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KeithnRita

Trick or Treat

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Pros and Cons of Vampire Dating

Pros:

Long relationships

Allowed to stay out late

Easy weight loss

Centuries of experience

Immune to all venereal diseases

Always has amazing stamina

Loves neck nibbling

Rarely interested in arguing religion

Never comes home with garlic breath

Don't have to worry about what color of clothes to wear.

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Cons:

Spend your time in a hypnotic daze

Parents can be hell

You always feel tired (loss of blood)

Always has cold feet (and blood)

Never able to spend the day in bed

Pet names that give you chills

Strange friends

Giggles at funerals

Hard to win an argument

No romantic sunsets

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Why Pumpkins are Better Than Men

Every year you get a brand new crop to choose from.

No matter what your mood is, pumpkins are always ready to greet you with a smile.

One usually makes a better pie.

They are always on the doorstep there waiting for you.

If you don't like the way he looks, you just carve up another face.

If he starts smelling up your place, you can just throw him out.

From the start you know a pumpkin has an empty, mush-filled head.

A pumpkin is turned on only when you want him to be.

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What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?

A cereal killer...

Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?

They're so wrapped up in themselves...

What kind of streets do zombies like the best?

Dead ends...

What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving?

Fasten your sheet belts...

What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation?

A blood vessel...

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Top Ten Signs You're Too Old to be Trick or Treating

10. You get winded from knocking on the door.

9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.

8. You ask for high fiber candy only.

7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.

6. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not wearing a mask.

5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or." and can't remember the rest.

4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.

3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.

2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.

1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.

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Hahaha good ones!!

Fortunatly for me I am working til 9pm on Monday so get out of having to wander round behind the kids or hand out the treats - my DH is having to do it all instead!! haha (isn't that evil!!)

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How To Survive A Halloween

When it appears that you have killed the monster, never check to see if it's really dead.

Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.

Never accept invitations from strangers, especially individuals who inexplicably live in isolated areas and have no contact with society.

As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

f you're searching for the cause of a noise and find out that it's not just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life.

If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.

Do not take anything from the dead.

If you find a town which is deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away.

Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing.

Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylavania, Nilbog, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted- looking house to phone for help.

Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any device made from deceased companions.

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