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Living in California

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Jack was sitting in an airplane when another guy took the seat beside him. The new guy was an absolute wreck,

pale, hands shaking, biting his nails and moaning in fear.

"Hey, pal, what's the matter?" Jack asked

"Oh man... I've been transferred to California," the other guy answered, "there's crazy people in

California and they have shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, the highest crime rate..."

"Hold on," Jack interrupted, "I've lived in California all my life, and it is not as bad as the media says.

Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a good school and it's as safe as

anywhere in the world."

The other passenger relaxed and stopped shaking for a moment and said, "Oh, thank you. I've been worried to

death, but if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?"

"Me?" said Jack, "I'm a tail gunner on a bread truck in Oakland."

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Please visit my WebPage: http://missp.topcities.com/

There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days before Saturday.

MONARCH OF THE SEAS ~ December'05~ 3-Day Mexico

ADVENTURE OF THE SEAS ~ April '05 ~ 7-Day Southern Caribbean

MONARCH OF THE SEAS ~ December'04~ 3-Day Mexico

VISION OF THE SEAS ~ August'04 ~ 7-Day Alaska

MONARCH OF THE SEAS ~ November'03 ~ 3-Day Mexico

CARNIVAL SPIRIT ~ March'02 ~ 8-Day Exotic Western Caribbean

STAR PRINCESS ~ March'02 ~ 2-Day Cruise to NoWhere

CARNIVAL SPIRIT ~ May'01 ~ 7-Day Alaska

CARNIVAL TRIUMPH ~ May'00 ~ 7-Day Western Caribbean

JUBILEE ~ November'99 ~ 16-Day Panama Canal

SENSATION ~ May'98 ~ 7-Day Southern Caribbean

SKY PRINCESS ~ May'97 ~ 11-Day Alaska

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Excuse us if we've posted this before:


So as not to be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly, and Texan jokes, you know you're from California if:

1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.

2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.

3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.

4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower.

5. You can't remember . . . . . is pot illegal?

6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.

7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.

8. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.

10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.

11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am! at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney.

12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.

13. You can't remember . . . .is pot illegal?

14. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH."

15. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers.

16. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.

17. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal????

18. Both you AND your dog have therapists.

19. The Terminator is your governor.

20. If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license. If you're here illegally, they want to give you one.

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Good Ones, Miss P and Keith and Rita!

Here are a few about Minnesoooota!

Subject: To Brighten your day and make you laugh

Jeff Foxworthy on Minnesota:

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 24 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by,

you might live in Minnesota.

If you're proud that your state makes the national news 96 nights each Year, because International Falls is the coldest spot in the nation,

you might live in Minnesota.

If you have ever refused to buy something because it's "too Spendy", you might live in Minnesota.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, (but the one in the mall is open year round!)

you might live in Minnesota.

If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, You might live in Minnesota.

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Minnesota.

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time,

(like going to the boys baseball games!)

you might live in Minnesota.

If your town has an equal number of bars and churches,

you might live in Minnesota.

If you know how to say Wayzata, Mahtomedi, Edina, Bemidji, Shakopee ,Winton and Ely,

you might live in Minnesota.

If you think that ketchup is a little too spicy,

you might live in Minnesota.

"Vacation" means going up north past Brainerd for the weekend. You measure distance in hours. You know several people who have hit deer more than once. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.

You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.

You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

You think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and venison.

You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.

Where men are men and so are the women.

There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at the Grocery Store at any given time.

You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.

You can identify a southern or eastern accent.

You consider Minneapolis exotic.

Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your Blue spruce.

Down South to you means Iowa.

A brat is something you eat.

You go out to a fish fry every Friday.

You find 0 degrees a little chilly.

You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Minnesota friends

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Thanks for the bump, Kevin. Now if we could just get Miss P back here posting, we'd have a lot more laughs. After she moved, she stopped posting. I sent her messages but never heard back. I think , after reading her post, I will try to get her back here again. I'll let you know if I hear back.

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