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Dear Darling Son and that person you Married

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Dear Darling Son and that person you Married,

Happy New Year and please don't worry. I'm just fine considering I can't breathe or eat. The important thing is that you have a nice holiday, thousands of miles away from your Mother.

I've sent along my last ten dollars in this card, which I hope you'll spend on my grandchildren,

God knows their Mother never buys them anything nice. They look so thin in their pictures, poor babies.

Thank you so much for the birthday flowers, dear boy, I put them in the freezer so they'll stay fresh for my grave.

Well, son, it's time for me to crawl off to bed now, I lost my cane beating off muggers last week, but don't you worry about me.

I'm also getting used to the cold since they turned my heat off and I'm grateful because the frost on my bed numbs the constant pain.

Now, don't you even think about sending any more money, because I know you need it for those expensive family vacations you take every year.

Give my love to my darling grand-babies and my regards to whatever-her-name-is, the one with the black roots in her hair who stole you screaming from my bosom.

L'Shana Tova (happy new year), Mama

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Of course, with an 31 year old unmarried son (which supposedly means that, by Jewish standards, he's a bum, regardless of what else he does), we jokingly say that we're the opposite of this MIL. We tell him that any prospective DIL must meet two criteria. She must be:

1) Female; and

2) Breathing, LOL

Of course, once this as yet nonexistent DIL presents us with grandchildren, we can go back to being like the MIL (and FIL) in the joke!

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