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KeithnRita

Puns

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1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and

got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but

the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The

bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start

anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a

salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt

under his arm and says: "A beer please, and

one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says

to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green

Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones

Syndrome." "Is it common?" "Well, "It's Not

Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in

a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially

inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you,"

says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman.

The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this

bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the

other day but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious

accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can't

feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you

can't - I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and

pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one

turns to the other and says "Dam!".

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly,

so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it

sank, proving once again that you can't have

your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into

a hotel and were standing in the lobby

discussing their recent tournament victories.

After about an hour, the manager came out of

the office and asked them to disperse. "But

why," they asked, as they moved

off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-

nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A woman has twins and gives them up for

adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt

and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a

family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years

later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his

birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she

tells her husband that she wishes she also had

a picture of

Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If

you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked

barefoot most of the time, which produced an

impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also

ate very little, which made him rather frail and

with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him ..(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's

good).....

A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by

halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent

twenty different puns to his friends, with the

hope that at least ten of the puns would make

them laugh.

No pun in ten did.

:wink: :wink:

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