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Darwin awards

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Darwin Awards


> We've waited all year for these . . ...


> Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards

> are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, is the

> glorious winner:


> 1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim

> during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James

> Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the

> barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked...


> And now, the honorable mentions:


> 2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting

> machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his

> insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of

> its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also

> lost a finger.

> The chef's claim was approved.


> 3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car

> during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman

> had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.


> 4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus

> driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be

> transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit

> his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered

> everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers

> to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very

> excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.

> The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.


> 5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious

> head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he

> received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying

> to see how close

> he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.


> 6. A man walked into a Louisiana diner, put a $20 bill on the

> counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,

> the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which

> the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash coins from the

> clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount

> of cash he got from the drawer was ...$15. (If someone points a gun at

> you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)


> 7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided

> that he'd just throw a concrete block through a liquor store window,

> grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it

> over his head at the window. The concrete block bounced back and hit

> the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor

> store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on

> videotape.


> 8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man

> grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the

> woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.

> Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in

> the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of

> the car and told to "stand there for a positive ID". To which he

> replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse

> from."


> 9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a

> Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5am, flashed a gun, and

> demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't

> open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered

> onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The

> man, frustrated, walked away.




> 10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked

> on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police

> arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor

> home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man

> admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into

> the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle

> declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever

> had.

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Who says truth is stranger than fiction - right on!

Thanks for the laugh. I especially liked the one about the purse snatcher identifying the person he stole the purse from

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Ah, the annual Darwin awards. They've been favorites of our for many years, and the winners this year are as dumb as ever. We missed seeing them; so thanks, Keith and Rita, for posting them.

That's only a partial list. Here's the URL for the awards: http://www.darwinawards.com/

Here's one of the awards, in full text:

(30 November 2004, Washington) Twenty-four year old Philip was found dead in the bedroom of his trailer home, with burnt remains of a Lava Lamp strewn over his kitchen. Puzzled investigators eventually pieced together a likely scenario for Philip's last moments.

Lava lamps are a mesmerizing distraction. Philip couldn't wait to fire up his new Lava Lamp. He plugged it in and waited for the pretty globs to begin their surreal dance. But after several frustrating minutes, nothing happened. Then a bright idea hit him: "Why not accelerate this painfully slow process?" He took the lamp to the kitchen, placed it on the stove, and turned up the heat.

In short order, the wax melted and began its sinuous dance. But the liquid was designed to be warmed by a 40-watt bulb. It was over-heated. Entranced by the display, Philip forgot that "heat expands". Whereas there was no room for expansion in the glass bottle, the Lava Lamp resorted to a violent explosion to relieve the pressure.*

One thick shard of glass blew straight through Philips's chest and into his heart. Philip stumbled into his bedroom, perhaps uttering "Aeternum vale!" (latin: farewell forever) as he collapsed and died.

Police found no evidence of alcohol or drug use, so it is safely presumed that Philip was in full possession of his senses when he went out with a bang.

* Why the instructions warn NEVER to place the lamp directly on a heat source, such as a stove.

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I continued my Googleing, and found that there is a new movie, The Darwin Awards, that had its debut at the last Sundance Festival. See http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0428446/ Amazing! The users on the web site had a low opinion of the movie: 3.9 on a scale of 1 to 10. I guess the person who thought up the movie will be a nominee for the next Darwin Awards.

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