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Those who have cruised before know what a popular place the ship's buffet is on embarkation day. It's as though 3,000 cruisers arrive on board and haven't eaten in days. Eager, hungry vacationers line up at the door, squirt the required antibacterial lotion into the palms of their hands, fill their plates, and search for the grand prize: a seat at which to enjoy their lunch - all while carefully and steadily balancing plates and cups along the way. Depending on the ship and venue, it can be a very organized affair in a spacious area, or it can be a crowded and confusing place, overrun with fellow diners in search of food and table. Instead of beginning your cruise flustered from the crowds bumping to and fro, why not head to the dining room for a leisurely lunch . Most ships have at least one dining room or other alternative dining area open for those who would like a more relaxed meal. For instance, when cruising on the larger Princess ships, my husband and I like to grab a bite to eat at the International Cafe after boarding and eat in the nearby Piazza, while listening to the string quartet or jazz ensemble that might be performing. We're not really interested in filling ourselves with a lot of food at the moment we board. After all, there will be plenty more where that came from in the days ahead!

When it comes to cruising, many of you know I have no issues just letting it all hang out. Well, I do put my belt on to suck some of it in, but when it comes to deck parties and night-life on the high seas you can bet your bottom dollar that yours truly, his whistle and party crew will be in the house ready to BAA-RING DA NOISE! A conversation I had with a fan inspired this post and I hope the words I shared with her would also encourage you to jump out of your comfort zone and live life to the fullest! YOLO! So there I was a few months ago sitting in the karaoke lounge sailing on Carnival Glory. A fan of the blog approached and struck up a conversation with me. She was saying how she couldn't understand how I could get up in front of so many people and not seem to care what they thought of me; if they were laughing at me and even wanted to know how I "showed my face" around the ship the next morning. I simply told her this, "I stopped caring what people had to say about me when I realized no matter if I pleased 1 or 1 million, everyone was not going to like everything I did - which is fine by me. I also realize that I will never see most of the people on this cruise ever again in my life... so why not give them a show?" She began to nod and laugh. I said, "You only get one shot to live this life here on earth, so why not spend your days laughing hard, cuttin' a rug and showing others they too don't have to just sit there but can join in!" She soon grabbed her teenage daughter, brought her to the karaoke lounge and together they took the stage singing Coldplay's smash hit, "Viva la Viva!" I gave them both a standing ovation and the mother told me, "I did it because I took what you said to heart!" I have walked into many nightclubs on cruises where people aren't dancing and the mood needs to be that of a club and not a community music sitting center. So with all the dance floor space I see, I round up my crew, we jet for the floor and GET IT INNNN! Then before I know it, others are joining us asking if they can hang with us while we're in the club. That's when I realized that when cruising people can get so caught up into what everyone else is thinking of them, they allow strangers to hinder themselves from having a great time. Is that you? Stop that right now if it is! Yes, now I do know that not everyone is an extrovert and/or is comfortable with displaying goofy moments in poolside games, vocal abilities at karaoke or even their gaming skills in the casino, but I do know that we all have a chance to use a cruise to help us step outside of our comfort zone, wouldn't you agree? I mean come on, you eat all that food when everyone is looking (you may not even know it sometimes, but people are watching), so why not put on a show for 'em?! Next time you hit the high seas, don't let your shy and bashful side get the best of you - shine like the brightest star in galaxies and let the ship know YOU know how to bring the noise! As always, you're cruisetacular for reading and I have nothing but love for ya! Keep cruising and grooving--Shon!

I may be all smiles in this pic, but there is a side of me that comes out from time to time that includes arms-folded, inverted eyebrows and an attitude ready to usher you into the ocean . I wear a smile with every out-fit I put on - especially when a cruise ship is involved (who wouldn't?)! But there is a point when not even a cruise ship can keep a smile on my face and it has to do with people. After 30 cruises, I still am amazed that I am blessed to enjoy a traveling luxury - such as a cruise ship - as often as I do. You know I thank God every time I board a ship because I could have easily been the unfortunate man on the sidewalk asking for money or a meal. I just stand amazed! I went from not having a lot to now being able to be spoiled like a prince. I remembered my first cruise like it was yesterday. I just about couldn't hold myself together. The food, the cool people and most importantly the beautiful, sacred connection I was able to find with The Lord. I soon hit this weird phase in my cruising history. You start talking about the paint job the ship needs, the color of the carpet and even how slow the cabin stewards are at getting you a fresh towel. You begin reaching a point where you become a ship snob and boy did I used to be one! You complain out this... and that. Then you start comparing this ship to another ship and wish it was bigger, or not as many people or pray for more activities to do. Well if you were like me, a few years ago, I have two words for you: SHUT UP! Your negative attitude is poisoning the fun that's supposed to be experienced onboard! Take it from a guy who used to RUN HIS TRAP about everything wrong... it doesn't help anything. Honestly, you're traveling in style complaining about some food when there's a kid in Haiti who is wondering the streets right now trying to find food, shelter and protection from predators. Like really? But that hamburger could be less burnt though? Right... If it could, go get another one. Gosh, you act like you haven't paid for the food. You have world class crew members working for YOUR amusement. They leave their family and friends behind for months at a time to hear you complain because they didn't turn down your bed twice in a day? They do not get paid enough to feel both a Caribbean breeze and your hot breath. One is enough and it ain't the latter. Do you even turn down your own bed down at home twice a day? Oh and you must use like a million towels at home too right, because the cabin stewards needs to change them everyday? Put yourself in the shoes of those who are less fortunate than you. The people work non-stop around the clock, for YOU. It would be nice to give them a break every now and then you know? I started meeting with my cabin steward the day I get on and tell them straight up - I don't need turn down service, in fact, I don't need day time service. Just give me the daily activities agenda and and high-five every time I see ya! I am tired of hearing about the things YOU hate about a ship. What is there to hate? You have literally 5 star everything compared to the girl who was just captured and forced into female prostitution. The mouths of complaining and nit-picky cruisers is THE thing I hate about cruising! Please, if you're going to complain, just run back to your cabin and tell someone who will actually care (they'll be looking at you in the mirror). Now I'm not saying you should not rightfully speak up when something like theft of your belongings or something fatal happens and the cruise line is at fault. By all means, please speak up when necessary, but know that you not getting chocolate on your pillow at night is no excuse to just hear yourself bark. Save your breath for all the screaming you'll do at the sailaway deck party! Give it a go. Be a global citizen who understands and tries to help those who've been working for 14 hours straight feeling exhausted and still wears that smile like nothing's even wrong. Stop complaining. Shut up because nobody gives a cup... of coffee! Until we talk ship again, keep cruising and grooving. You know you're cruisetacular for reading and I have nothing but love for ya!

Hey everyone! This is my first blog here and I am super excited!! I stumbled across this site by chance and loved it! I hope my blogs will offer you some valuable tips as well as some fun entertainment. I have never been a writer… nor thought I ever would be. I am a small town Texas girl who fell in love with cruising. The first time I saw the ocean, a magical calm came over me -- and it has been calling my name ever since. I can’t break that spell. Going to the ocean is my escape. I am by no means an expert, but researching cruises and information when I am on land fuels my passion and allows me to keep sane (somewhat) until my next cruise rolls around. So this is how it all got started…. Our son was not quite 3. My husband and I never took a “real” honeymoon and were approaching our 5 year anniversary. To put it mildly… we were broke, but desperately needed to get away. Thankfully, a good ‘ole Texas spring storm came through and took down what was left of our sad, pitiful fence in the backyard. When we received the money from the insurance company to replace the fence, I got the bright idea that if we cooked some hamburgers and bought some beer, my husband and his friends could replace the fence themselves and save us a TON of money. (You’re welcome honey!) We could use what we saved to go on vacation! Brilliant… I know! My husband wanted to go to an all-inclusive resort in Mexico. However, I was doing the research. Everything was so expensive… and all we had was leftover fence money! It looked like we could go to an all-inclusive resort, but we would have no money left over to actually DO anything. The extent of our vacation would be to drink ourselves silly on watered down drinks on a beach somewhere. Let’s be honest here… after a day or two…that would suck OR we could take a cruise. We would have enough money left over to still drink ourselves silly AND go on excursions in all 3 ports. Neither of us are ones to be bored so I thought this was the best deal! So I booked it. Non-refundable, of course. I casually brought up the idea of a cruise to Mark (that’s my husband), thinking he would love the idea! This cruise thing sounded so like us! His response…no way on this earth was he ever getting on a boat for 7 days. Period. Hmmm… what to do? What to do? … I couldn’t tell him I already spent all our money and I had no way of getting it back. I knew what was best for him… I just needed to figure out a way for him to know it too! I’m not one to lie, so I thought it best to say we couldn’t afford to do the Mexico thing so we were going to go to Galveston instead. I packed his bags (formal night clothes and all… cause that’s how awesome I am) and we set off. Somewhere down the lonely stretch of road to Galveston from Fort Worth, I couldn’t contain my excitement any longer and let it slip that we were going on a cruise. Oh my Gracious! It got ugly in that car! By the time we reached Galveston we weren’t speaking. He finally agreed to get on the boat (thankfully because otherwise, I wouldn’t have had a ride home in a week!), but we were getting a divorce when we got off! True story. Then something magical happened. We had the time of our lives!! The cruise ship was more than we could have ever imagined. We were upgraded from an inside cabin… to one with a porthole! We thought we had hit the lottery. Not even the waves crashing against the boat and threatening to come through the wall at any moment or the ridiculous vibration from the thrusters could spoil our fun! There was stuff to do everywhere! (Food, shows, shopping, casino, nightclubs, pools.) We fell in love with each other all over again!! Sappy… I know! We were already looking for the next cruise to book as soon as we got home. See…. I knew I was right! That cruise in fact, probably saved our marriage. And so it began. Years later, we are still setting off together for our adventures at sea (only now he is a willing participant… minus the time I tried to move us all to St. Thomas, but that’s another blog… and now we can afford them!) I look forward to sharing our cruising adventures with all of you!

y An engine fire ... a cruise ship dead in the sea without the power to provide the basic of needs. A pleasant ocean escape to the Caribbean becomes a bad cruise to nowhere. Such was the picture on board the Carnival Triumph on its 4-day sailing last week. The unpleasant details of life on board that cruise need not be repeated here. We've all seen the video footage and heard the news reports. When the disabled ship finally reached the dock in Mobile, Alabama, greeted by 200 Carnival personnel who would assist in getting the tired passengers home, TV cameras were on hand to fill us in with more images and interviews of anyone willing to talk, providing sensationalized news coverage at its best - playing off other people's misery. The sorry thing is that the general public sitting at home on their couch eats this stuff up, only encouraging more of this. Such is journalism, I guess. Who do I feel sorry for the most? The first-time cruiser. Imagine you're embarking on your first cruise. You've been on the fence for a long time about cruise travel, but you decide to make the leap, choosing a nice, short 4-day Caribbean cruise to get your feet wet, so to speak. You're all relaxed, you've found your way around the ship, having a great time, thinking - yeah- this is pretty nice. Suddenly, you learn that a small fire has broken out in the ship's engine room. Although it has been quickly contained, the fire has knocked out most of the electrical power to the ship. The vessel has crawled to a halt, aimlessly adrift, and you soon discover that there is no air conditioning, no running water, no working toilets, and no hot food. The ship is slowly being towed to dock in Mobile. It's an agonizingly slow process, with wind, sea currents and a busted tow line impeding the way. You are told it will take days to reach land. Gone is your dream cruise vacation. Instead, you find yourself on a floating sewage barge. Some first cruise. You tell yourself you should have trusted your instincts and picked that all-inclusive resort. Here, on this ship, there's no escape. Despite what some passengers have said to the contrary, Carnival seems to have fairly and adequately compensated its passengers. Each passenger was given a full refund, paid transportation home, and a future cruise credit. I don't know what else they could have done to satisfy their passengers, short of giving them a fully-paid cruise - on Carnival or any other line the customer chooses. The real shining stars of this cruise are the crew of Triumph. Stories abound of crew members who never ceased to smile, offered words of comfort, remained professional, and otherwise made the best of a bad situation. They are to be commended and, I hope, appropriately compensated for their efforts. The same cannot be said for Carnival. Assuring the safety and comfort of its paying customers is, or should be, the cruise line's #1 priority. Regrettably, Carnival dropped the ball on this one. It was unnecessary and inexcusable for cruise passengers to be exposed to the foul conditions caused by the power failure. It was reported at one point that there were five working toilets for 4,000 souls on board - far from comfortable. What could Carnival have done to better assist its passengers during this unfortunate journey, and what steps could the line take to prevent another incident like this in the future? Dare I say that some of the following suggestions may seem elementary and overly simplistic, but I can't help myself. Perhaps the cruise line should have reconsidered evacuation of passengers, even if some risk was involved. Surely, somewhere a ship could be found to make the transfer, at least giving passengers the option of getting away. Portable toilets. It sounds like a ridiculous idea onboard a mega ship, but I have to ask. Why don't cruise ships have a supply of porta potties stored away on board for emergencies such as this? Not possible? Drop 'em in by helicopter. Portable generators - huge ones. I don't pretend to know the inner workings of getting electrical power to all areas of the ship. I only know that when average Joe Homeowner has a power outage, he powers up his portable generator. There must be a large-scale way to do the same on a super-sized cruise ship. Lifeboats. Why are they there, if not for evacuation of cruise ship passengers. Bobbing at sea in a lifeboat at sea might be preferable to conditions on the ship - at least to some folks - no matter how risky it might be. Above all, an emergency back-up plan. With each new ship comes bigger sights, bigger sounds, bigger everything - requiring big power. It would seem that cruise lines would have in place adequate back-up power relative to the size of the ship it is selling to its customers. In the meantime, while the potential for litigation brews, investigation of Triumph's engines are under way. Reports of past engine problems have prompted discussions of whether or not the ship should have sailed in the first place. Time will tell. Just as the Costa Concordia forced changes to safety and security all throughout the cruise industry, so may Carnival re-examine its response to shipboard emergencies as relates to passenger safety and comfort. At least I would hope so. What about that first-time cruiser? Will he choose to cruise again, or has this hellish five-day cruise to nowhere turned him off to cruise vacations forever? If you were to pole the veteran cruisers on board that cruise, asking if they would continue to cruise, I would bet the majority would say "hell, yeah!" Hundreds of ships sail every year without a single major incident. Nevertheless, just like any other form of travel, incidents and accidents sometimes occur. Some of them may be simple annoyances, some may be terrible ordeals, and every now and then one may even result in fatality. Each one can be a learning experience for all involved. For the cruise line, it is a way to change, improve and correct that which is faulty. Just as the old hippy expression says: ***t happens. There is an abundance of seaworthy ships, and there are fascinating places to explore. Opportunities for new discoveries are as endless as the sea. So get back out there, trump the Triumph travesty, and choose to cruise! To read more of my personal cruise and travel stories, visit my blog: Seven Sea Journeys at CruiseCrazies.com

The Carnival Triumph safely returned to port after an ordeal at sea. I’m happy to say that, during the intense media coverage on CNN and other networks—which I was corralled into—passengers unanimously praised the tireless hard work and positive attitude of the crew. There were many horror stories about poor sanitation on the crippled ship. Alas, these are not always relegated to disaster. Allow me to share a particularly gross ship I worked on for months. We crew endure this for you, dear passenger. Gross things are common on cruise ships. No, not the gastronomic atrocities occurring nonstop at the buffets—horrifying as that may be to quantify—but what lies below the waterline. Not the slimy, oil-tainted waters of the bilge, either. I’m talking about what life is like on the crew decks. Carnival Triumph recently made the news when a fire left it without propulsion, little running water, less electricity, and utterly bereft of sanitation. One passenger reported “sewage running down the walls and floors” and said travelers were being asked to defecate in bags and urinate in showers because toilets weren’t functioning. Understandably shocking, considering how rarely passengers endure such privations. The crew deal with it every day. It should be noted they bring it on themselves. Crew are generally denied food in their cabins because it invariably ends up in the toilets in a most nonbiological manner. Hiding evidence of a smuggled, late night snack is always the same: flush it. After all, there are no portholes twenty feet below the sea. But ship toilets are very, very sensitive. The crew? Not so much. When working on RCI’s Majesty of the Seas, fish bones backed up the sewage system so often that the entire aft crew deck smelled like feces. Literally. And this was where the crew kitchen and dining room were located! Oddly enough, this disposing of contraband was the only time many flushed the toilets at all. This can be partly explained by the wide variety of nationalities that compose the crew. Hygiene standards vary radically from nation to nation, but are all but absent in some developing nations. Such is the resource pool from which the cruise industry hires its labor. When first indoctrinated into crew, on day one, everyone is educated on what is required for first-world hygienic standards. They are ordered to wash daily and to use deodorant, whether they ‘need’ it or not. Many even comply. But when working a minimum of eighty hours a week without a day off for ten months straight, focus flags. On Majesty of the Seas, these men—for they were invariably so—lived in tiny, shared cabins along the main corridor leading to the crew mess. Tucked between were communal showers and toilets. Everything was crowded, everything stank. And it was stiflingly hot. Because the cooling system was also spotty, all doors were always open. Three times a day, on the way to every meal, I passed dozens of overworked zombies brushing their teeth beside toilets filled to the brim, lids wide open. A perfect appetizer for a enjoying a meal in a latrine. I learned about such things in dramatic fashion upon signing onto Majesty as a junior officer. After returning to my cabin, I discovered a man wearing officers’ whites bent over my desk, examining the contents. While there was no pretext of privacy on a cruise ship, having my own cabin had given me delusions of it. Upon hearing me enter, the man shoved the drawer shut and irritably snapped, “Cabin inspection. I have reports that you routinely order room service. This is highly improper and will not continue. We have a cockroach problem in the stern deck, and I will not have it spread into this section of the ship.” I didn’t have time to explain that I had just arrived because he brushed me aside to search my shower. Because cabin inspections were conducted by each department head and, since I was a department head, I suddenly realized the man searching my toilet was the most powerful officer beside the captain himself! He dropped the toilet lid with a slam, trying to hide his disdain behind a professional countenance. His grimace worked through. “No fish bones,” I said cheerily. He glared at me and replied, “I am seeking a shoe.” “Um… shoes?” I asked, confused. He corrected me sharply, “A shoe! The entire sewage system is backed up ship-wide because a crewman flushed a shoe down the toilet this morning.” Brian David Bruns is the best-selling author of Cruise Confidential and Ship for Brains, the latter from which the above story is taken.

What exactly is a group cruise? When I offer a group cruise to someone, I often get looks of puzzlement or replies like "I don't like to travel in herds" or "nope, don't like crowds of tourists". What many people - those who have never experienced group cruising - don't realize is that a "group" reservation doesn't mean that you have to follow one another around the entire trip as if you were attached at the hip. For some, the term ‘group’ conjures up images of eating every meal together, doing every excursion together and doing every onboard activity together. On the contrary, you are absolutely free to come and go as you please and are never required to follow the crowd anywhere, if you choose not to. However, many groups are formed by families, friends or communities with the intent of enjoying the experience together - and do enjoy the comraderie a group provides. But for those who don't necessarily like the idea of cruising as a posse, rest assured that the real reason you are choosing a group is to take advantage of the special amenities that come with it - onboard credit, gifts from your agent and other group perks. If you happen to enjoy the company of your fellow group mates, all the better! As an example - if you don't know - CruiseCrazies is organizing our 3rd annual group cruise for community members next summer: Caribbean Princess 10-day Canada/New England-August 9-19, 2019. As a member of our group, you are never required to participate in anything with the group - though we would love it if you would (it's kind of why we have a great community in the first place, right?). In fact, beyond one or two shore excursions and a cocktail hour, we don't plan anything as a group. We let the group - or individual members - decide what they want from their cruise, and how and with whom they want to spend it. So reserve that group cabin and enjoy the benefits and amenities you get. Invite your friends and family, and hang out together - or don't. No pressure. It's your cruise. It's your choice. Just relax, sit back and enjoy! For more information about our CruiseCrazies 2019 Summer Cruise, go to: Our Community Group: Reservation Link: https://7seajourneys.com/mbg/canada-and-new-england-summer-cruise-2019/

I had a question come in about "Ship Life" for crew: Larry asked, "Do you get days off and how many hrs. a day does the crew work?" All positions for crew are different, but there is actually 3 different levels of workers on the ship. Crew, Staff, and Officers. Crew are like cabin stewards, servers, cleaners, and most people you do not see on the ship. Staff includes entertainment, sales and guest service positions, spa workers, and kids department. Officers are always the italian looking guys in formal white outfits. We all had different lifestyles in our little floating island... different places to eat, some places others couldn't go into, and hours/responsibilities aboard the ship. The "crew" definately works the most hours throughout the day, and when you see a cabin steward always working it is important to know that they do work hard, but not as much as you think they do. Most Guests see a steward and think that they are the same person, and always see them through out the day, but the stewards work about 5 - 6 hours a day with no full day off. They have a 12 hour period of time that they work but take time off in-between when the guests are back in their room. They do get time to get off the ship and enjoy many of the ports. Entertainment staff has it pretty easy only working about 5 hours but spread out throughout the day, and usually get a full day off a week. I would probably say some of the hardest workers on the ship are spa, guest services and shore excursions, and the kid watchers. They work about 8 - 10 hours a day everyday with very little breaks. So make sure your extra nice to these workers. Officers, well what can I say, they have it pretty easy... Large cabins, and work about 4 hour shifts a day driving the boat (which is a HUGE task) They can pretty much do what ever they want on the ship and above security in some cases. So as it looks like we are slaves on board ship, we are certainly not. Crew parties, night after night of crew bar until 2 am with $1.25 beer, and the rest of the night out on the front of the ship under the stars. Week after week of crew activities, games, and cheap excursions. Ship life is great in its moderation... working on board a ship for 9 months would be death, but 4 - 6 months is not so bad as long as you have a few months between the next contract. Hope this answered your question. if you have any questions about working on a ship please let me know, and stay tuned to my next blog which tells some nail bitting stories about getting to the ship too late!!! YIKES, I have some good ones.... so until then follow me on facebook www.facebook.com/thedannyblackpage (like the page and send me a message telling me you read this and ill send you some free downloads)

This is not a blog about the port of St Thomas, the beautiful US Virgin Island, but more of some amazing advice from an individual living there. I was with a friend at a restaurant in St Thomas, the waiter came to us and you could tell he was from the States and not the Caribbean, so I just had to ask. "Where are you from?" He replied, "Philedelphia." Then he went on telling us how he used to be a school teacher but since all of the budget cuts in the school system he has not worked as a teacher for 3 years but waited tables in Philly to make ends meet. He then said something that will stick with me forever. "If I am going to wait tables, I might as well do it somewhere beautiful and in a place I will love to be all year long." He just blew my mind with that advice and I told myself that this world is far too beautiful to not enjoy it or love where I live. So I encourage everyone reading this… if you are not happy where you are, make a change! Life is not life unless you are happy!

So I'm at that stage in the cruising game where I am in between cruises. You know that point where you remember the last and get pumped for the next? Yeah, that feeling... that's what I'm loving right now! So many of you may remember the cruise I took back in February aboard Norwegian Jewel. I took one of my BFFs - TMT - with me for her first high seas adventure. In fact, that's her in this pic as well as another friend we met onboard, our girl Pat Montano! Back in February we did a cruise to nowhere (CTN) and guess what I'm doing in just about 2 weeks from Norfolk, VA? Yup! You've guessed it! A cruise to nowhere... but aboard Carnival Glory. This time around TMT won't be with me, unfortunately, BUT my crazy, loud and hot mess of a family and friends WILL (pray for me... no seriously pray for me now)! I love these types of cruises and some people ask me what a CTN is. The convo tends to go a little like this... My Neighbor: "So Shon, you're going on another cruise?" Me: "Yup! And I'm so excited!" My Neighbor: "Where ya headed this time?" Shon: "Oh just out to sea for the weekend - nowhere basically!" My Neighbor: "Um what? What kind of cruise is that?" Well let a brotha school ya... It's the kind of cruise where you cram everything in, eat whatever you want, get a good workout in at the gym and sleep as little as possible (at least if you're sailing with me - as TMT is testament to). You just have a great time for a few days at sea. Seriously, I walk on THESE cruises in particular not knowing a soul and within the first 20 hours, new friends are joining me at karaoke, in the nightclub and even for a late night bite aboard. What are YOU waiting for? Try a cruise to nowhere today! PLUS you'll have the BEST bragging rights at the office on Monday. Everyone will ask how your weekend was and guess what you can tell them? YOU WENT ON A CRUISE! Bam! In their faces... I mean, oops, forgot to invite ya? And they're very inexpensive! You know, I HIGHLY recommend these special and rare voyages for individuals who want to try cruising, but may still have some reservations (yes, pun is intended). Go sail for 3 days and 2 nights, come back and then book a world cruise! Okay, maybe not a world cruise but these sailings will help you enjoy longer cruises if you're a newbie trying to get into the cruising game! Try a CT today and maybe our paths will even cross on the high seas! Have you ever sailed a CTN? If so, what was you're favorite part about it? If not, what's your excuse? Keep cruisin' and groovin' until we talk ship again next Monday--Shon!

Carnival Triumph re-entering U.S. waters in Mobile, Alabama. Photo Credit: gCaptain What happened was truly unfortunate. The conditions on-board I can't even begin to fathom -- from having no air conditioning, to the exposure many had to bodily waste, and having to use bags as lavatories truly could evoke testing times... but let's look put things in perspective. This was an incident that falls back on Carnival Cruise Line 100%, no doubting that. But Carnival handled this like the crisis management pros they are.Carnival Conquest, Carnival Elation and Carnival Legend --who also sail Western Caribbean waters-- were dispatched to aid Carnival Triumph with food, supplies and even transportation of passengers with pre-existing medical conditions that needed assistance. They gave everyone their money back, transportation back home and post-cruise hotel arrangements, motor-coach bus service and even additional monetary compensation for this disaster. Did I mention Carnival's CEO Gerry Cahill flew to Mobile, Alabama, boarded Carnival Triumph and personally apologized to the passengers and crew in person, can you say cruise hero? Truly amazing! Now Here's My 2 Cents... One report I read stated there were about 45 people on-board who had Bible Study and said the encouragement they had in their time with the Lord while stranded at sea, gave them hope that they would return back home just fine. I was so elated to hear of this because as a cruiser who has also been on ships where catastrophes have happened and being a follower of Jesus Christ, I know there's is something special and incomparable that happens between people and God while on the high seas. I've been on ships where engines have stalled, ocean waves have turned violent, passengers have died and had medical emergencies and hurricanes have shown their ugly side. But the one thing I know works and has helped me in my time of peril while at sea, is prayer to and worship of the Lord. It may sound crazy to some, but to me it's an innate reaction. Whenever I'd hear that "unknown" noise on a ship, see waves come closer than I was planning, or hear the Captain come over the PA system with a late night announcement, I do just what I was taught growing up -- stop, drop and pray! I've learned in my life that unexpected problems is not the issue, but WE are. Stop hoping for your problems to change and YOU change -- change your perspective, outlook and decide to speak encouraging and positive words over your situation. God set the Isrealites free from Pharaoh and wanted to take them into the promise land He had for them... then they wandered in the wilderness for a whole 40 years. Why? Because their attitude and mindset put them there! God knew their mindset wasn't ready to take on the enemies they'd have to battle for full possession of the Promised Land so instead of leading them the way of 11 days, they kept making donuts in the desert for 40 whole years. Now I am in no way saying that the mindset and attitudes of the persons on-board Carnival Triumph caused this incident to happen, but I do think had an optimistic and positive atmosphere been birthed, both on land and at sea, their deliverance could have come sooner than it played out. I'm not negating the harsh conditions aboard the passengers experienced, I'm not suggesting that this cruise was a good one, nor am I saying these people shouldn't be mad with Carnival about what happened. But what if the 45 people who gathered for worship turned into 450 or even all 4,000 people on the ship, standing together in praise and worship; making the best of their conditions and keeping a positive mindset awaiting a miraculous happening. And on the contrary, what if all the sources bad-mouthing Carnival and this cruise turned their hot air into prayer (yes, this includes the media). What could have happened? Could you imagine? Millions gathering in prayer and not pointing their fingers? I could keep going on with this BUT, I'm glad to say it's over, see everyone disembark fine and get back to living life as they know it. They're all back safe and sound -- with Triumphant bath robes! Photo Credit: NY Daily News Some of y'all think what I just said is crazy, "off the deep end" or even unreal. But I do believe that when we band together in courage and faith, hoping for the impossible, God will honor that act. So next time all hell breaks lose instead of getting worked up and looking for someone to blame, begin to pray and trust God to make the impossible possible. For with man, things may look grim, but with God ALL THINGS are possible! Next time you hear of a high seas tragedy, stop bad-mouthing and being a negative Nancey, but start believing the best -- your negativity won't help anything, but your positive thoughts will be infectious and be more beneficial than you'd know. That's my piece and I'm sticking by it. Until we talk ship again--Shon!

So how'd you get started cruising? Do you remember the ship, line and ports of call you visited? I know I do... just like it was yesterday! I can't believe it has been nearly ten years ago, but I sailed Carnival Imagination to Belize and Key West from Miami, Florida. Oh, and what a cruise it was! The food, people and did I say the food? I was a wee little lad when I first cruised and Imagination would have never been around if my mom didn't take her first cruise the year before. She went with a bunch of her girlfriends and had a blast! But I noticed the strangest thing when she returned. Besides the sun burn, loads of sovuneirs for her one and only (yeah, that's me) and the amazing pics she shared, her stories were so mezmorizing. She told me everything! "Shon! They had this... and that. Oh, and one night they did this... and that. You would have really loved it!" I hung onto every word like a good, attentive child (because I never did any wrong, hehe). Then she started going in-depth about the kids programs and I really started having a fit! I was at a lost. I thought she went with a bunch of adults? How did she know so much about Camp Carnival? Was this a set-up? Nonetheless, she REALLY got me going then and I begged and pleaded and prayed and hoped and begged some more until she finally gave in and took me on my first cruise! So, mom and I sat down and narrowed our cruise selection to three ships--Carnival Fascination, Carnival Imagination or Carnival Triumph--and she let ME make the final call (how nice of her, right?)! Well, the rest is history. Now nearly 30 cruises later, I'm still sailing the high seas! From Costa Cruises to NCL and even MSC, I have found that momma truly does know best. So if your mom tells you that a cruise is something you'll love, you better listen because you never know. You may go from vacation lover, to passion sharer, to enjoying an addiction worth living for! Until we talk ship next week--Shon! Can't wait a week until my next blog post? Cruise on over to The Ocean Escape which is the other blog I author with cruisetacular goodness! Your ships await!

My husband really loves me. I know this because he accepts me with all the crazy ideas that come out of my head. Being from Texas, we have always cruised out of Galveston. We (really meaning I) decided we should do something different and cruise out of Florida for our summer cruise this past year. New cruise ship… New ports… New city to discover... Sounds perfect! We’re goin’ to Miami! Woo Hoo! There was just one small problem. My husband has never flown. Never set foot on a plane or any other metal object that actually leaves the ground. That’s ok and all, but he also has an irrational fear of heights… Oh, and he also has a HUGE anxiety problem. This was 7 years after our first cruise and my trickery days are over so I said… “Guess what? WE are flying to Miami. You’ll be fine.” He initially agreed, but as the days started ticking by he started trying to formulate plans to DRIVE us. Nope, babe… I can’t take 4 extra days off for us to road trip to Florida and back. Nope, All 4 of us could fit in the truck, but the luggage would be uncovered in the bed. What if it rains or we stop to eat. Yes, we could rent a car and drive straight though, but the extra expense to park it for 8 days or to leave it in a state we didn’t rent it from is the same price as flying. Sure we can take Mom’s van…but it’s her company van and no one else can drive it. You can’t expect her to drive 22 hours by herself. … and so this went on FOR WEEKS. That’s when the thought of drugging him crossed my mind. I could suggest eating in the airport, ask him to go get me a napkin and slip something in his drink. Done correctly, I could get him on the plane and buckled in before he passed out. …. But what if my timing was off? I am 5’2 with my shoes on, I certainly can’t carry him. So there we were. “Hey, Dude. We’re flying to Miami and though I have contemplated it, I can’t figure out a good way to drug you by surprise, so… suck it up buttercup. You’re going on your first plane ride.” All I had to do was figure out a way for him not to freak out, get thrown off the plane, and go to jail… I got this. We arrived at the airport and got our bags checked, stripped off our shoes and were awaiting the metal detectors. (Side Note: He wore flip flops and refused to bring a pair of socks like I had suggested… Eww) I look over and Mark’s backpack is being searched. (Shaving cream, lotion, cologne, a brand new $120 bottle of face cream) They have it all lined up there on the table. “Aww crap.” (It appears I forgot to go over the “You can’t fly with that in your carry on list”) Sooo, our son had a little bag with his books and ipod in it. I shoved all his stuff in my bag. Then sock feet and all (no time to put tennis shoes back on) ran back out to “check” another bag filled with our (his) contraband. That little adventure got me placed in the back of the line, then re-routed through the full body scanner … then they searched my hair. That’s right… my hair… twice! (We ARE from Texas.) My son was behind them saying “Mom… what are they doing to your head?!” Your guess is as good as mine. By this time, the plane is boarding. Trenton (his first plane ride too…but he’s totally excited!) got to meet the pilot and go in the cockpit. Really awesome for the crew to take time to do this by the way! Mark wanted NO part of the cockpit… or the pilot… or the flight attendant. He made a beeline for his seat and sat there slightly pale and silent latching, tightening, testing and rechecking his seatbelt. The rest of us got to our seats and got all situated. I whip out one of Mark’s anti-anxiety pills and a bottle of water. (I’m all for drugging him.) He says No, he doesn’t want to take it. He can do this, he needed to experience it to get over his fear and he would be fine. All that sounds macho and perfect…what I’m really thinking is “Umm Bu!!sh!t”, but I went along with it anyway. As the plane takes off down the runway, Trenton and I are looking out the window when I caught a glimpse of Mark out of the corner of my eye. He is gripping the armrests, his knuckles are white, and he is completely pale. I whisper… please take that pill. He says No! I am thinking “Uh Oh, This can’t be good!” By the time we reach the end of the runway and leave the ground he is profusely sweating. Sweat is literally running down his face and dripping onto his shirt. It was seriously like a scene from that old movie, Airplane. (This is only comical looking back, by the way.) Finally, we were in the air and he realized he survived. Without medication. Whew! One small step for man… One giant leap for the Hunt family! I got him all settled in, turned on his movie with ear phones … (Mark, not Trenton) and all was well. … And then we hit turbulence. Without warning, he bolted straight up in his chair… the movie player crashes to the floor, he grabs the seat in front of him and starts glancing around frantically for … I don’t know what. Just then the pilot comes on and asks everyone to return to their seats and put on their seatbelts. I calmly pry his hands off the poor man’s seat in front of him and say “There is someone sitting there, you can’t do that.” And then the conversation went something like this: This really is normal… Yes, we are going to be fine… No, the plane isn’t going down… It has something to do with different air currents… Please take that pill out of your pocket and swallow it! What the hell, if it does go down at least we are all dying together! (In hind sight, probably not the best way to attempt to calm someone down but I was running out of ideas) This led to him frantically pushing the “attendant” button until he managed to flag down a flight attendant for her professional opinion of whether we are all about to die or not. Finally he realized, the flight attendants were starting to serve drinks, half the people were sleeping already, the other half were reading and not another soul on that plane cared that the plane was in turbulence. “Why, oh why, Lord can’t he have a smooth flight for the first time?! You know, if this goes poorly… we won’t be flying home from Florida!” We got the movie player retrieved, got him to drink some water, eat a protein bar for a snack….and the family of 5 crammed in the 3 seats behind us had a kid that pooped their pants. I am sure of it! Mark kept saying “What is that smell?!” Seriously?? Welcome to flying honey! So landing was a breeze, I whipped out the Big Red gum and all was well. Good news…. We can still fly home! LOL …. And I am still married ? FYI: If you take a power strip on board the cruise ship with you, realize as you are leaving your cabin that you forgot to pack it in the luggage you checked last night, and in a hurry shove it in your husband’s backpack with the 3 iphone chargers still plugged into it…. Going through the xray scanners at the airport…. It looks suspiciously like a bomb and can hold the line up for a while. Sorry babe ?

My last cruise as a waiter on Carnival Conquest was one to remember. My section was filled with twenty coeds just graduated from college: all 22, brainy, and beautiful. These women wanted to party and indulge in every aspect of the Fun Ships they could. This meant lethal flirting with their hapless waiter, even in ports (accompanying pic is with them in Cozumel). I was in heaven. At the end of the first dinner, my ladies remained long after. They asked a flurry of questions, like “Are you single?” “Can you party with guests?” “Show us your cabin!”. The question that got me in trouble, however, was unexpected. “Why don’t you dance during dinner like the other waiters?” “I’m management next cruise,” I explained. “They don’t want me looking like a fool in front of staff I’ll be in charge of.” “No fair!” they cried. “We want you to dance for us!” “Only if you dance for me,” I retorted. The gauntlet thrown, all twenty rose and I was surrounded by spinning, whirling, and gyrating bodies. I looked on helplessly, realizing I was surely to be out-done by these women. “Come on! Join us!” Realizing they wouldn’t take no for an answer, I jokingly counter-offered, “I won’t do dinner dances, but I’ll do one better. My last day as a waiter, I’ll do a striptease.” Their applause indicated my jest was not taken as such. The final night came. As always, serving the graduates was not work, but pleasure. They were patient for all things barring wine service. We laughed and flirted shamelessly. All week they had tried to kiss me in the dining room. The kiss became a game for us all, a silly little prize that both sides refused to relinquish. The challenge was spearheaded by a pretty lass named Jessica. The night drew to a close, but they remained to finish their wine. Neighboring stations emptied, leaving us a solitary island of gaiety. “Last night!,” Jessica called. “Where’s our strip tease?” All twenty cheered and began chanting, “Strip! Strip! Strip!” “I can’t,” I replied lamely, fishing for an excuse, “I would need a stage. And there’s no music.” “Regina!” they cried to my neighboring waitress. Though busy readying for the morning, one table had been forgotten and was completely empty. Only then did I realize it had not been forgotten at all: Regina yanked the table cloth free to reveal an ideal stage. “But there’s still no music,” I observed gratefully. Smirking, Regina signaled a hostess and suddenly ‘I’m Too Sexy’ blared through the restaurant at tremendous volume. I had been set up. But sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. I leapt onto the table and began a bad dance, whipping off my bow tie and flinging it around my head. With surely the most awkward moves ever witnessed, I flung off my vest and began unbuttoning my shirt. Cheers roared from the graduates. Applause echoed from waiters. Hostesses leered. Chanting to the beat rose from everywhere. Then the maitre D’ entered the room. I stopped mid-swing, stunned. But the coeds were just getting started. They rushed from their seats to yank me off the table. Hands tore at my chest. Buttons popped out, flying in all directions. My shirt was half ripped off before I could stop it. I had heard that women got far wilder then men at strip clubs, but this was ridiculous. I even felt my belt slipped free! Quickly I gripped my pants before they were yanked down. I began bellowing, not unlike an elephant seal under attack. Alas, there was no denying the authority of dozens of red-tipped fingernails. Here I was living my fantasy since puberty, yet was fighting like mad! One would think the action would stop with the approach of the maitre D’. One would be wrong. He just grinned and let it flow, reserving the moment for future blackmail. By Brian David Bruns, author of national best-seller Cruise Confidential. Pics of the people and places I blog about are on my website and FB pages, join me! www.BrianDavidBruns.com https://www.facebook.com/BrianDavidBruns

You need to know two things to understand the norovirus issue that plagues us every year (pardon the pun). Surprisingly, neither covers how to avoid getting it, though the second point is absolutely the single most important overlooked fact in understanding the issue. First: norovirus is not just a ship problem. In fact, it’s barely on ships at all, compared to how many land-based institutions are struck every year right in your own city. Norovirus is common throughout all of North America and Europe, being most prevalent in schools, hospitals, nursing homes, and children’s day care facilities. It strikes every year. It’s so regular, in fact, it no longer incites headlines. Those are now reserved for the unusual, the exotic, such as “PLAGUE SHIP!” An illness transmitted from your children isn’t nearly as alarming as “RATS SPREAD DISEASE!”. But you get a cold or flu from your kids all the time. That headline wouldn’t sell many newspapers. Yet the land numbers are far, far greater than the sea numbers. There have been 2,630 confirmed reports of norovirus so far this season in the UK, for example (as of several weeks ago, no less!), but for every reported case there are likely to be a further 288 unreported sufferers. That’s according to the Health Protection Agency (HPA). Recent figures from the HPA show that more than 750,000 people could be affected by the 2012 outbreak of norovirus that has swept the UK. It’s so bad, in fact, that they’re closing hospital wards and denying visitors access to the buildings. Take Birmingham City Hospital, for instance, which closed three wards due to norovirus infection, or Doncaster and Bassetlaw Hospitals, which actually tweeted, “Please don’t visit hospital until at least two days after last symptoms of vomiting or diarrhea. Stay home, rest, and take fluids.” But nobody thinks about infected hospitals down the street. They think of cruise ships. They think of sensational headlines. Take the media frenzy surrounding the P&O liner Oriana, dubbed ‘a plague ship.’ “It’s a living nightmare.” “Scores of passengers laid low by virus.” “People were falling like flies, yet the crew were trying to insist everything was fine.” Oh, the drama! The sick have vomiting and diarrhea a few days, tops, and possibly stomach cramps. If that’s your definition of ‘a living nightmare’, you suffer from a serious lack of real life. You’ll note the hospital referred to above even told sufferers to stay home and they'd be fine. Subjective perceptions of severity aside, let’s look at real numbers. More importantly, what’s behind them. It’s not what you think at all. An outbreak, according to the U.S. Center for Disease Control, is 3% or higher of reported passengers or crew being sick. Please note the inclusion of ‘crew’. When one crew member is sick, ALL of his/her cabin mates are automatically quarantined and counted as sick. Thus, the number of infected is artificially inflated by double or more from the very beginning. This directly affects passengers, however, because things snowball rapidly as remaining crew shoulder the additional workload (with no increase in pay, of course). As a rule, all crew members are already overworked and nearly all live in a state of near-exhaustion. It is not surprising, then, that many crew members jump on the bandwagon and call in sick just to get a glorious eight hours of sleep—something which they probably haven’t had in ten months (yes, really). So what does this mean? It means that an official outbreak on a cruise ship could potentially involve a mere 1% of people or even less! I don’t know about you, but I don’t think 1% of the population being sick during cold and flu season to be the definition of ‘a living nightmare.’ By Brian David Bruns, author of national best-seller Cruise Confidential. Pics of the people and places I blog about are on my website and FB pages, join me! www.BrianDavidBruns.com https://www.facebook.com/BrianDavidBruns

You might think that after the Costa Concordia tragedy in January 2012, people would have more respect for the muster drill. For the most part, on the majority of our cruises since that time, I have noticed an alertness among the passengers that wasn’t necessarily there before. Passengers WANT to know what to do in case of a ship emergency. Ships have stepped up their drills and passengers are paying attention. At least that’s what I’d observed – until I boarded Royal Caribbean’s Brilliance of the Seas last month. As we stood in our respective lines out on deck, I was stunned by the rudeness of others. While the captain’s voice came over the loudspeaker with detailed emergency instructions, people were thoughtlessly talking all around me, paying no attention whatsoever, and making it impossible to hear anything. I left the drill not knowing any more than I did when I arrived. Imagine how frustrating that would be for a first-time cruiser. Fortunately, there are detailed instructions outlined in the cabin literature, as well, so it’s a good idea to review these with your cabin mates on the first day. However, there’s no substitute for a good visual presentation. If you think you’ve experienced enough muster drills and are only there because it’s mandatory – like many of us, please at least have the common courtesy to remain quiet so your fellow cruisers – those who REALLY want to know the emergency procedures – will be able to listen to and hear the instructions.

At last the day has arrived! No, this is not the day when we embark the Grand Princess in San Francisco bound for Alaskan waters, nor is it time to pack our bags and fly to the “City by the Bay” for three days of pre-cruise sight-seeing. But it is a time of equally enthusiastic celebration. It’s the day we do the “document dance”, also sometimes referred to as the "happy dance"! Confused? Just ask any avid cruiser who has ever been part of an on-line cruise community. The “document dance” is one of those idiosyncrasies found on cruise forums and blogs and a term fondly used by cruise fanatics everywhere to describe the joy one gets from knowing their cruise documents are ready for processing. These days, agents or cruise lines seldom mail or hand-deliver your cruise documents. Rather, documents now come in the form of E-docs to be downloaded and printed in the comfort of your own home. Whether my documents come in paper form or cyber form makes no difference to me. I can dance either way! Today, we received a personal email from Captain Lawes, our fearless skipper who will guide us along on our journey ship through Alaska’s inside passage to Glacier Bay. The fact that every other soon-to-be guest received the exact same captain’s message wasn’t going to burst my bubble, either. I immediately clicked on the attached link, and there was the commander’s smiling and welcoming face bidding greetings from the bridge of the Grand Princess. With excitement beyond anyone’s comprehension, I immediately went to that wonderful place called “My Princess” at Princess.com and clicked on the “Cruise Personalizer” where my booking summary was prominently displayed in all its wonderful glory. As my eyes glazed over and drifted around the page to be sure that everything was in perfect order – that all forms were completed (check√), “Whale Watch & Mendenhall Glacier Photo Safari” excursion properly booked (check√), cabin selection (check√), dining choice (check√), etcetera…etcetera, my eyes stopped and stared at a link with just two precious words: “Boarding Pass”. This could only mean one thing – my cruise documents were ready to print! Sure enough, I clicked on the link, and there they were – those phrases that every cruiser longs for - “Print Boarding Pass, Print Luggage Tag” – indicating that our cruise is no longer a distant date on a calendar and, in fact, is just eight weeks away. Hallelujah! Start the music and let the document dancing commence! As we still have 60 days to go before our cruise, I have not yet actually printed the documents, but just knowing they are there makes me happy. Now – on to the packing list! Photo Credit: alwaysbelieveblog.com

In attempt to keep the costs down for this cruise, we initially booked an inside cabin. However, the price dropped and we were able to upgrade to a standard balcony at no extra cost. I wondered, would a balcony even be usable on a cruise like this, one in which driving rain and wind kept everyone inside? First things first ... get the balcony door open. We pulled and yanked to no avail, but finally the door slid open so that we could barely see the skyline and Statue of Liberty through the mist. Come to find out, when we had trouble with the door later that evening, we were told by our very gracious cabin attendant, Grace, that the wind makes it hard to pull the door open, to lean into the door and then pull. Whew ... what a relief! I didn’t want to gaze at the scenery through a rain-slicked window! Once we looked around the cabin, I realized what I love about Princess staterooms - the fact that the space is much more functional and usable than the Norwegian cabins we’ve become accustomed to. I like having a desk more than a couch, for instance. The couch becomes a place to throw stuff, whereas a desk has drawers to hide things away. Love the Princess beds, as well, and their comfy beds are everything they advertise. The bathroom is compact but leaves enough room to move. The large flatscreen TV is mounted on the wall directly across from the bed, freeing up precious counter space and making TV viewing convenient without having to strain your neck. This ship is absolutely gorgeous, and even though the weather kept most people inside, it didn’t feel crowded. The decorating scheme is tasteful, done in muted colors, using lots of mirrors and creative lighting to make it look ever so elegant. Artwork throughout the ship is sophisticated, matching the elegant tone and design of the ship. The Atrium is absolutely stunning. A special mention goes to the Seawalk, a very cool walkway extending out from the upper decks over the ocean with views at your feet 15 decks below to the water. Pretty awesome, and not as scary as I thought it would be. We have recently learned, after many a cruise, to head to our muster station about 15 minutes before the required drill alarm is sounded. In this case, our muster station was the Concerto dining room, to which we leisurely made our way, and had our choice of seats. We have also discovered other like-minded seasoned passengers who do the same - we saw one couple playing cards to occupy their time. We had intended on stopping by Club 6 for the Elite cocktail party at 5:00 pm but found ourselves at the Wine Bar, instead, off the Atrium for sail away. The weather was too nasty for a proper deck party, so the festivities were moved inside. Being our first time in a wine bar, we decided to try a “flight”, which we learned was a set of three 2-ounce wine samples. Even though the menu showed 8 different groupings, strangely enough, only two were available. I chose the European, and David chose the Italian. We were soon joined by three other friendly people From Long Island, adding some great lively conversation to our wine sampling. Due to the storm, sail-away was delayed by about 90 minutes. By then, some of the mist had cleared, and we had a decent view of both the NYC skyline, Lady Liberty and the Norwegian Breakaway heading into port.

I remember my husband and I being aboard the Ocean Princess back in 2012 and watching a preview of the soon to premier Royal Princess. The new design looked so beautiful, with her large open atrium and understated elegance, and I knew it wouldn’t be long until we would sail this new class of Princess ship. However, it wasn’t until sister ship Regal Princess entered the picture a few years later that we were finally able to consider a cruise aboard the biggest ship in the Princess fleet. When I saw the Regal Princess was sailing a 5-night cruise to the Canadian Maritimes from New York in late October, I convinced my husband to juggle his schedule around in order to accommodate this short cruise, and it didn’t take much to convince my brother Norm and his wife, frequent cruise buddies, to join us! The big day was finally here. The only slight blip on the horizon was the forecast of a nor’easter heading our way, threatening our sailing. As a result, instead of the 4-hour drive from Rhode Island to Brooklyn on the morning of the cruise, we drove down the night before with a stay an hour away from the Red Hook port, in Stamford, CT. This was a good move, because it made for a much less stressful drive for my brother, and we arrived relaxed and ready to cruise! We arrived at the port at 11:00 am in pouring rain, where Norm dropped off us and our bags, and went to park the car. Being Princess Elite, I was able to escort us all through priority embarkation quick and easy, and we were on board and in our cabins by noon. One of those fabulous things I love about Princess ... the rooms are always ready after boarding. No need for schlepping your stuff around while occupying your time until rooms are ready. We dropped off our stuff, checked out the room (more about that later), admired the fog, rain and mist from the balcony (I think I spot the NYC skyline ever so slightly), and is that Lady Liberty peering at us through the haze?). In just a short time, we were off to explore the ship!

What better way to explore an assortment of culinary creations than dinner in the complimentary dining room. Nothing in the cruise contract indicates you’re limited to one appetizer, entree or dessert at dinner. Feel free to order multiple dishes. If you can’t decide between the chicken cordon blue or the beef Wellington, order both. Same goes for appetizers and desserts, too. If no entree is calling out to you, then choose a few appetizers to serve as your entree. Don’t think you can finish a second entree? Then share it with your table mate. I typically can’t eat more than one entree, but I do like to order an extra side to share with my husband. Ordering multiple menu items is the perfect way to try new dishes!

So a lot of people wonder what happens behind the scenes on ships... the next few blog posts will be dedicated to giving you some insight to behind the scenes.... First of all if you haven't seen any of my videos on youtube... check them out So there are 5 things that musicians on ships typically do during the day... SLEEP NAP SNOOZE HIBERNATE REST Sensing a theme? Most musician find themselves staying out late at night, doing their job and then socializing and then resting the whole day to have the energy to do it again the next night. Being a singer, I usually hide away during the day to rest my voice. Not that we typically go hard and drink the night away but being social on the ships is more fun than the alternative, but there have been times during my contracts where I got so hooked on a TV series that I would finish my set at night and then hurry to my room to binge watch until the sun came out. There have been other times in my contracts where I would stay out all night learning new songs to perform the following night. There also have been times when I wanted to be productive and get up at a reasonable time, go to the gym, be healthy and get stuff done. When I started making videos on youtube I would find myself going around the ship more and being creative. Which is a much better thing than sleeping 12 hours a day. Stay tuned for a new blog post every week !!! Ill see you next time and if you have any questions or suggestions for blog posts please let me know in the comments ?

I literally saw every single hour pass on the hotel alarm clock display. I couldn’t sleep, I was too excited. Too nervous, too anxious, too ohmygoshthisisreallyhappening sort of excited. I finally couldn’t stand it any longer and decided to start getting ready about 6:00 am. Hey, a girl needs her time to get her face on. I have to confess that I changed my outfit twice and my shoes three times. I really wanted to look sophisticated and cruise-y, without looking like the scared-witless newbie that I was. And since we’re all such close friends here, and I feel that I can tell you anything, I may as well also confess that I brought an entire suitcase dedicated to shoes. Just my shoes. Scott’s shoes fit perfectly into his one suitcase, and I was quite proud of myself for condensing my packing list into just three suitcases and one carry-on. Honestly, Scott should be thanking me for making this small miracle happen instead of glowering at me while hauling everything downstairs to the cab. We arrived at the port of Seattle a few minutes before 11:00 am and finally got our first look at the Diamond Princess. Nothing, and I mean nothing, could have prepared me for the sheer size of this ship. My very first impression was, wow. She was so big and so white! Scott and I were excitedly jabbering to each other about which balcony we thought was ours while snapping as many pictures as we could. Even though it was a cloudy and gloomy morning in Seattle, this beautiful ship practically glistened. She was fairly new - only about two years old at the time - but to me, she looked perfect. I have to confess it was love at first sight and I‘m pretty confident that Scott was feeling the same arrow from the cruise cupid. Check in was quick and easy. Even though we had absolutely no idea what we were doing and where we were supposed to go, we were zoomed through all of the lines and agents and walked on board only about thirty minutes after stepping out of the cab. We walked on into the Grand Plaza…what a wow moment. We both just stood there with our mouths open. We could see up floor after floor of marble and steel railings and glass elevators and winding staircases. We kept saying to each other, “This is on a boat???” And yes I realize the correct term is ship, but hey…we’re new here. We spent the rest of the afternoon exploring every inch of the ship. She was just beautiful. I kept reminding myself that the little Texas town we lived in has a population of 3,400. Our entire town could fit onto this ship, with room to spare. Despite all of the traveling that we have been fortunate to do together, nothing prepared me for the wow factor this ship gave me. After completing the Muster drill, we decided to head all the way up to the Skywalkers Lounge for sail away. We found two seats right at the window at the area of the lounge that is cantilevered over the side of the ship. It felt as though we were suspended in mid-air…especially since the portion of the floor under my cute-shoe clad feet was see-thru down to the water below. We ordered our drinks and were chatting happily with each other when I noticed that the scenery below was moving. No…we’re the ones moving, not the buildings! I started excitedly babbling, “I can’t even feel it…I can’t even feel it!,” to Scott over and over. I even called my Dad from my cell phone and told him the same amazing phenomenon that I had discovered, “I can’t even feel it!!” We had the following itinerary ahead of us: Sat Jun 6 Seattle, WA 4:00pm Sun Jun 7 At Sea Mon Jun 8 Juneau, AK Noon 10:00pm Tue Jun 9 Skagway, AK 6:00am 8:00pm Wed Jun 10 Tracy Arm (Cruising) 8:00am 1:00pm Thu Jun 11 Ketchikan, AK 6:00am 12:30pm Fri Jun 12 Victoria, Canada 7:00pm 11:59pm Sat Jun 13 Seattle, WA 7:00am In Juneau we planned to catch the bus to Mendenhall Glacier and wander around the town. For Skagway we have a car reserved with Avis and plan to drive the Yukon Highway into Canada and up to Emerald Lake. In Ketchikan we we’re booked with Southeast Sea Kayaks for a sea kayaking excursion. Victoria’s plan was an evening haunted history tour of the entire city. Sitting in the Skywalker Lounge I kept marveling at the lack of movement I felt. I felt so cruise-y and non-newbie. Why on earth was I so nervous about getting seasick? Pft...amateur. I had nothing to worry about. But just to be safe I had a maternity sucker tucked into the pocket of my linen jacket. And a spare meclizine pill. And a few pieces of ginger candy. But I had nothing to worry about. To be cont'd...

“Blinded by the light…” That song came immediately to mind when I opened our curtains on the morning we arrived in Ketchikan. After two days of drizzle and overcast skies, it was almost a cornea-burning shock to see the pristine sapphire blue skies and blazing early morning sunshine that greeted us that morning. My first thought of Ketchikan? Storybook! This was quite possibly the quaintest town I’d ever had the pleasure of laying eyes on. I couldn’t wait to see what she had in store for us today! Knowing we had to meet our tour guide at 7:00 AM, we made the short walk into town and were greeted with a sign by our kayak guide from Southeast Sea Kayaks. We had a half day kayak trip booked, and we were more than ready for it! Having river kayaked several times on vacations to Colorado and such, we were very excited to try sea kayaking for the first time. One of the main reasons we chose Southeast Sea Kayaks was because of their guaranteed small groups on their paddling trips. We were told at the time of booking that there would be a maximum of six guests per paddling trip, but upon check in we learned that they had a cancellation and there would instead only be us and one other couple with our guide today. Woo hoo!! The other couple who came on the trip with us was on holiday from Australia, and they were also enjoying a cruise. This was their first trip to the United States, and they were lucky enough to be touring the entire nation during a whirlwind six week stay. I quickly found that cruising has become one of the best ways to meet some of the most interesting people! After a ten minute boat ride out of the immediate port area, we came to where our sea kayaks were tendered back behind a small island, and we made our way into our kayak for two. From my seat I could no longer see the shore, nor the ships in port. It was as if we were truly in Alaska for the first time. No cars, no ships, no people, no Diamond’s International…this was just us, three other souls, and some of the biggest and most breathtaking landscape I’d ever seen. Our paddling trip was blessed with warm temperatures, glassy seas, and cloudless skies. We saw several bald eagles, lots of purple starfish, a lion jellyfish, and deer on the shore of one of the islands as we paddled around. Even a playful otter popped up not two feet from the edge of our kayak! He decided to hang around for a while and followed us as we slowly made our way around small islands and rocks. Our guide was simply a delight and she really taught us quite a bit about the local wildlife and the even about the town of Ketchikan, itself. Too soon it was time for us to head back, as we were only scheduled to be in port until noon that day. We had just enough time left for a nice stroll around town and got the opportunity to take in several of the gorgeous totem poles and one last look at the famous Creek Street. Even though we were back on the ship early, I knew we were going to be treated to some spectacular sights from the comfort of our balcony for the rest of the day. And speaking of treats, the ice cream machine was calling my name!

For many of us, so called, "VETERAN" cruisers, booking another cruise is similar to a conveyor belt. Let me explain. You have the "been there, done that" mentality and just plan everything accordingly as you have done in the past. Then again, some of us "Veterans" still go into booking a cruise blindfolded. We start with, "Hey, Let's go on a cruise"!! Then comes the when, where & which questions. And of course the money issue. So when my wife approached me (as she always does when she wants to cruise) and said, "Look into it", I felt the feeling again! The "CRUISE feeling. That's all she said!! No when, where or which. Well, look at the picture that accompanies this post and you'll see where MY mindset was when she volunteered me for this task !! So it begins! After interrogating her for some input (goodness knows I do NOT want to mess up the plans), a decision was made...."End of the year". Ummm, HUH? That's right, she wanted to go the end of the year and the rest was on me! Seeing as to how she had put her trust in me for the last eight cruises, that gave me a little bit of confidence. A VERY little bit!! But, on goes the Cruise planning conveyor belt (now known to me as the CPCB). I took many factors into consideration in planning the preliminary steps. "Let's see, been on Carnival five times, on Celebrity once, Princess once and Norwegian once". I then realized one of the only lines we haven't been on yet was Royal Caribbean. THAT'S IT!!!! We'll do RCCL!!! PHEW! Since we recently moved to Tampa, Florida, pickings were slim. When we lived on the East coast of Florida, we had Jacksonville, Port Canaveral and Fort Lauderdale to choose from. All within decent driving distance. But, after some research, I found the Brilliance of the Seas sailing for 7 days from Tampa on November 16, 2013!! WHOO-HOO, the biggest job is done!! And the itinerary was awesome. I venture in to planning this cruise as though I am new to cruising. Because, in fact, since I have never sailed on RCCL before, I feel as though this IS my first cruise. My BLOG will cover the initial planning phase right through disembarkation to include updates from the ship during the cruise and a review at the end. This will help not only those passengers aboard the M/S Cruisecrazies that are new to cruising, but will also help veteran cruisers that have never sailed on RCCL before. It will also be a bunch of laughs along the way. So I guess we go into this on foggy seas!! Join me over the next 11 months for a FULL cruise from the planning phase to disembarkation. I look forward to seeing you deckside!!!

It's sad looking at this picture. Knowing that this time next year, Carnival Pride will be on her way leaving us in MD. Such a cruise industry tragedy, you know? Okay enough of that... now for today's post! You know all this blogging about my cruising bffs got me thinking of other things I like bringing with me when on the high seas. I am as extrovert as they come on the high seas and could careless about what someone thinks about me, my noise or the way I party. If my Youtube videos don't convince you, join me on the high seas for a few days... but be careful, my inner cruisetacular party animal may catch ya and have you leading the way (I promise to follow)! When I was in the dollar store before a cruise a few months back, it was during graduation season and so there were a lot of yard signs in stock. You know, the signs that say "The Party Is Here" and "Party's This Way." Then I had this humungo cruise ah-ha moment in the store and said, "I could use these on the ship in the club, at sailaway and for the welcome aboard picture." Oh, but I didn't stop there - I added whistles, glowsticks and leis to the mix! Oh yes, we were decked out and I think you should go all out too! But let me just warn you now. Everyone on the cruise is gonna want to be with your group (so bring extras to share with others). I was tossing glow sticks faster than hot cakes on a Sunday morning in the night club. I told my fam on the next cruise, I'm gonna open up shop in my cabin (CASH ONLY - lol). So for your next cruise be sure to pack a whistle and add a little glow to your evening wear - it'll take your cruise to cruisetacular heights! Don't forget that optimistic attitude and a few clothes too! Until we talk ship again next week, keep cruising and grooving! Oh, before I go, let me give my sis Heather Forrester (@itsme_Heather) a special shout-out as she gets ready to sail Norwegian Breakaway to Bermuda this weekend! Shout-out to everyone on a cruise right now, too! I hope you're living it up, eating my share and hitting the wrong... I mean right notes in karaoke! Peace and much love--Shon!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's the media doing what they do best and that's stirring the pot. Alright, so if y'all have been following our trusted media sources here in the States, then you've been well aware that Carnival Cruise Line is back in the spotlight yet again. Here's the spark notes version: Carnival Dream, Carnival Legend and Carnival Elation were all reported to have somewhat similar issues with propulsion systems on their respective ships. This comes to light after the fiasco with Carnival Triumph last month where thousands were stranded at sea for about 4 days. So, now we all want to know the same question: What's going on with the ship in Carnival's fleet? THEN before I closed my eyes for bed last night, guess what? Yet another cruise ship was reported having issues, P&O Cruises' Ventura. Then this morning I saw a report stating Regent's Seven Seas Voyager is also experiencing some propulsion problems. And so what? Seriously people, there comes a point in our lives we have to decide if we're going to cower and live in fear or step out and travel the world we've dreamed about and seen on Google Images. What's the worse that can happen? You get a free cruise out of the deal? Hmm... sounds like a bargain to me, right? If you are a fan of my Facebook Fan Page, you may have seen me post this picture from when I sailed Carnival Pride last November. Instantly, the comments began pouring in and you can see many cruise fans like you and me are still sailing and not allowing any of this to set us back from enjoying high seas adventures - including on Carnival Cruise Line vessels. In fact, I'm still sailing Carnival Glory with my hot mess of a family for what's going to be THE family cruise of the year coming up in May. Past, present and future cruise ship incidents will not stop me... ever! I know who holds tomorrow and He'll never let go of my hand. So SHOULD something happen to one of the ships I'm currently booked on, know I'll be alright. In fact, I'll be the Black guy running around on the deck praising God and shouting (be sure to get some good stills of me)! Like I said in My Thoughts on Carnival Triumph, I am no stranger to cruise ship incidents. In fact, I remember back in 2006 when I tried my second attempt at a cruise to Grand Cayman, Carnival Imagination was docked in Miami with a propulsion system that wasn't at 100%. They told us we would sail to Nassau and Freeport, Bahamas instead - staying oversight in each port (where they were going to work on the ship while we were having fun, LOL). We got to pick if we still wanted to sail or go back home. What do you think I did? Yup! Sure did, and had a blast! Carnival took real good care of us: gave us on-board credit and money back on pre-booked shore excursions. It's not stopping me, it hasn't stopped me and it never will. That's my piece and I'm sticking to it! LONG LIVE CRUISE VACATIONS! As always, you're cruisetacular for reading! Until we talk ship next Monday--Shon! P.S. Please keep the two passengers who were sailing P&O Cruises' Adonia in your prayers. The husband and wife duo were injured with gun shot as they were walking en route back to their vessel in Bridgetown, Barbados. They have been taken to the Queen Elizabeth hospital in Barbados and are being treated for their respective wounds according to Cruise Law News. Get the full story here.

Let's go back a few years when I sailed Norwegian Sun from Miami. Great ship. Amazing cruise. It was the morning I was supposed to disembark the vessel and I was a little sad. You know how after you have such a great time on a cruise, you don't want to leave? Yeah, that feeling was hovering over me like a cloud. In fact, another cruise was awaiting me that afternoon.This was the first time I decided to do a back-to-back cruise. You see, as soon as I disembarked Norwegian Sun, I was jumping in my rental car, driving north and boarding Regal Empress for a cruise to the Bahamas from Port Everglades. Very rarely do I remember my hunger pains (because I don't miss a single meal) but I vividly remember this day -- I was incredibly hungry! I got up, showered, dressed and made a b-line for the breakfast buffet. Things were going great. I got a table on the patio area, aft of the ship, had a nice a Miami breeze caressing my bald head and Mr. Sun (the real guy, not the ship) was having fun coloring me because I could sense the blackness of my skin getting darker with each minute -- but it was greatly welcomed! So I had my food there, enjoying everything from fruit to pancakes and even a piece of smoked salmon, but I still longed for something "extra." Then I remembered I got a glance of something on the buffet I have been eating ever since I was a child: cinnamon buns. Cinnamon buns are my guilty pleasure and since I was on vacation, I thought I'd indulge in one... or two. Plus, the sun was having too much fun with my skin (I thought I'd give him a break). So I got in line at the double-sided buffet, keeping my eyes on the pan that had the cinnamon buns in it. Mentally, I was already downing like two. As I got closer and closer to the pan, I realized the number of cinnamon buns started becoming less and less. I began praying, "Lord, please let me just get one. I just want one." My turn was next! Finally, I'll get to have one! And guess what? There was exactly one cinnamon bun left in the pan! So I grabbed the tongs, situated my plate and then... then... another pair of tongs comes into view. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. From out of nowhere, this older gentlemen, reached across two pans of food and placed his tongs RIGHT ON TOP OF THE ONLY CINNAMON BUN LEFT! Was this really happening? I had a decision to make: I could be the good Christian guy my mom raised me to be, or I could be the hungry Black man getting what he wanted at any cost. Well, since my mom wasn't around, and since my stomach started singing loudly, I decided to go for it. I looked at him. He looked at me, then he opened his tongs and clasped them around the cinnamon bun. I thought, "This guy CAN'T be serious, can he?" So I got my tongs and clasped it from the other direction... and began pulling it back. Next thing I know, the cinnamon bun is back in the pan and we keep pushing each other's tongs back. The people in line were laughing and I uttered, "This ain't funny! You don't know the code? Well let me break it down for you: S-T-O-P! You never come between a hungry Black man and his food! Didn't your momma teach you?" After saying that, the laughs reached new heights and I notice a crowd spectating this happening like it was the SuperBowl. Needless to say, I won the tongs battle and the man was so angry, he threw his tongs on the ground. Yeah! Who was hungry now? It wasn't me! But he should have known better not to challenge "Hungry Black Man 3000!" So I enjoyed my cinnamon bun, cleaned up my dining area and headed off the ship knowing if another person ever decides to challenge me with tongs on another cruise ship, they'll meet their match... and they better pray I'm not ravenous! So bring it! But seriously, don't you think that guy was rude? Reaching over those pans to get into the cinammon bun pan, then putting HIS tongs on [what was about to be] MY food! The nerve of some people! Good thing I did the Christian thing. Well, until next Monday's post, y'all have a cruisetacular week!

When I heard the Carnival Destiny was going to be “Sunshined”, I thought it sounded pretty cool. Then when I heard it was coming to New Orleans, I was REALLY excited. I don’t know why, but I really wanted to sail on that ship! New Orleans was doable. SO, while on the Magic last May, I booked a cruise on the Sunshine and went skipping (literally… I skipped) back to my cabin. Once we were home, I patiently waited for it to set sail in Europe. Then I started reading how everyone hated the ship. It seemed everyone had something negative to say about the Carnival Destiny and the general “online” consensus was the Sunshine was going to suck just as bad…. I didn’t get it. The reviews made it sound like a half finished, overcrowded, leaking, cesspool floating on the seas. Ugh… How could that be true?! The pictures looked so beautiful! Now… I in NO WAY told Mark or my Mom about these negative reviews… There are some things there is just no point in sharing with some people. Bad reviews of the ship you have booked them on and plan on driving 9+ hours to get to… that’s one of them. I kept it all quietly to myself and finally resolved, just not to read anymore. I follow a few “professional cruisers” online. They liked the ship and gave honest opinions which made me feel better. Any complaint they had or problem they noted, I felt was manageable. I ordered us some shirts and happily went to counting down the days. This was our first time cruising out of New Orleans and I certainly felt like a fish out of water! I did so much research on the ship and booking excursions… I didn’t pay a lot of attention to New Orleans. We managed in Miami. We manage in Galveston… how different could New Orleans be? Ha! I did ask a couple of people their opinion. Everyone always loved the French Quarter and suggested a ca-zillion places to eat … at NO point did anyone mention... “Good luck driving a car down there.” “Fat chance in hell of finding a parking spot.” “They have street signs, but the actual street names aren’t on them.” Just for the record… that information would have been useful! Regardless, after Mark practically jumped out of the moving van and stopped a stranger walking down the sidewalk for help, we survived. We had dinner at the Crazy Lobster. It was located in the port and we were able to watch the Royal Caribbean ship leave. The food really was fantastic. I had the fish tacos. The atmosphere was awesome. The service was absent ? Not so much for the lack of employees... there were plenty of them around... just didn't seem to be working. They were friendly and engaging when they were at our table though. We corresponded more with the other customers at the tables near us. We were in no hurry so no big deal, but perhaps not the place to eat if you are watching the clock. Embarkation: We stayed the night in Kenner, LA at the Double Tree Hotel. It said Double Tree Airport… but I saw no airport. Anyhoo. This hotel did offer free parking for up to 14 days. We took a taxi which ended being $14 a person…. Probably should have just paid for parking. It all worked out okay though. We love Hilton hotels and this one had an awesome fitness room (though you also had to pay for breakfast). I have officially been spoiled by the Hampton Inn’s. We arrived to the port around 10:30-10:45. The porter was there to take our luggage. I was a little apprehensive leaving it with him as they only had dollie looking thing and not the big luggage carts we are used to. We walked in and found our way to the priority boarding line for the xray scanners…. And stood there. It wasn’t moving. Finally we ducked under the ropes and joined the regular line. We moved right through…. Until Mark attempted to go through the scanner. Beep. “Do you have anything in your pockets?” No. Beep. “Sir, we are going to need you to take your belt off.” Beep. “Could you please take your hat off.” Beep. “Sir, we are going to need you to take your boots off.” Beep. Mark: “You better figure it out ‘cause I’m not taking my clothes off!” … We were allowed to go through. It did not get much better after that as they seem to have moved the check in desk. You now have to walk through people waiting in the chairs, stepping over feet and carry-on luggage to get to the check in line. There was no clear cut path for you. That priority line did not move there either. We stood stationary for probably 20 minutes before 1 person was called to go to the next attendant. We finally got our S&S cards… trudged back through the chairs, feet and luggage and into the line to board the boat. By the time we got this accomplished they were boarding Zone 6 so we just grouped in with them. *Our personal experience with the Port of NO was not good on embarkation or debarkation (that will be at the end of the blog). I do want to add a statement that several people I have met, cruised with, and trust their opinion have stated this is not how it always is. However, I am not sure I will sign up for a round 2.* The boat is coming up next ....

Let's just throw this out there. I only have 1 child, I am an only child, and I come from an only child. None of it was planned that way... It's just how life happened. A house over run with children is foreign to me. Martha Stewart in the kitchen, I am not. So Trenton says "Mom, can *Sheldon and *Leonard spend the night?" (*Names have been changed to protect the innocent) "BOTH of them? Like... At the same time? (insert excited little face from your only child) Well, ok...". And so it began. I picked the boys up, brought them home and sent them outside to play. All was going well. The kids came inside and said they were getting hungry. OK, let's make dinner. (Trenton shot his first deer last year and was super excited. He thought it was really cool that he was providing food for the family ? He wanted to make nachos and use his deer meat.) This is when *Sheldon says "Oh, I don't eat cheese." I am thinking Oh No! I didn't ask if these kids had any allergies. Oh crap! "Oh, I'm not allergic. I just don't like it." Huh? ... You don't like cheese? ... On purpose? Who doesn't like cheese on purpose? Ok fine. How about chicken.. "no" fish sticks... "no" hamburgers... "no" I name off the entire pantry and fridge... "no". Ok, Sheldon...what would YOU like to eat for dinner? His response... "Olive Garden will be fine." OLIVE GARDEN !!!!! .... Are you serious? I was defeated... I ordered Olive Garden. (A child’s spaghetti with sauce in little cups on the side for Sheldon). This is when I looked at Mark and said "Let's run! Let's just go and leave them here!" (Totally kidding... But the thought seriously crossed my mind) I return home to find three 10 year old boys watching Pokemon on the 65 inch TV and Mark hiding in the bedroom! The husbands point of view: Well, I was sitting there watching my TV and *Leonard comes and sits beside me and says "Hi". So I said "hi." "I really like Channel 300." That's all cartoons. I said. And he just stared at me! So I said, would you like me to put on cartoons? "Yes, please" So I type in 300 and he yells "Pokemon!!" And then this stampede happened and I realized I didn't even have a place to sit on my own couch anymore and there was a 65 inch Pokemon in our living room.... So I took refuge in the bedroom. Ha! So I am thinking "pushover" as I am busting out the OG... Feeling like a champ. "That's not the right sauce". What?! "That's not the right sauce, I can't eat that" What do you mean it's not the right sauce?! You said marinara sauce... That's marinara sauce. "I like the kid’s marinara sauce" The kid’s marinara sauce and the adult marinara sauce is the same! It's marinara sauce! One plate is just smaller than the other!! (my blood pressure is rising) "It's ok. I'll just eat the noodles" You are going to eat plain noodles for dinner!? I HAD plain noodles I could have cooked! DEEP breath... Ok, let's just pray and eat. That bedroom is looking better and better! Play,Pokemon,popcorn,Skylanders, candy, Beyblade, put your PJ's on, brush your teeth.... And *Sheldon comes parading through the living room in his underwear! "You don't live here kid!! Where are your pants?!" Oh Geez! I threw some blankets and pillows at them and went to hide in the bedroom with Mark! Aaah, peace at last. 6AM... Sounds of crashing, spinning, cheering... It's just a dream... "Crash, spin, cheer" ... There is no way those kids are up ... "Crash, spin, cheer" ... Because we all have Beyblade tournaments before the sun comes up! HUGE SIGH. I open the bedroom door and all three file into the living room with the sweetest little smiles "Did we wake you Mrs. Hunt?" ... As if any effort was made in an attempt NOT too. Are y'all hungry? ... In unison "yes". Awesome, here's some cereal. "Mrs. Hunt, I don't drink milk" That's fine, I have almond milk. "I don't really like almond milk" So eat the cereal dry. Trenton does it all the time. "I don't really like those cereals" Fine. *Sheldon, what would YOU like for breakfast?" "Pancakes" No. How about eggs? "Do you have biscuits?" No "Then I don't want any eggs" Of course you don’t, how about cinnamon toast? "That’s fine ... As long as you don't make it soggy" .... This kid's going home hungry! So I Google how to make cinnamon toast bread and NOT make it soggy. Ended up putting it in the oven and using a broiler for the first time… Ever! Then I got interrogated on the make and model of my Orange juice! It's orange juice!!!!!!!! It comes from an orange! Just drink it!!! So. It's noon. *Leonard has left and Sheldon is still here. I have decided his parents have been eating everything they can get their hands on since I picked this kid up and are in a self-induced diabetic coma somewhere. Imagine being able to just eat something! In the meantime, I have applied a double amount of my Derm Exclusive wrinkle cream and booked another cruise. And that my friend’s is why I cruise!

The dream Alaska cruise is booked, air fare reserved and pre and post-cruise hotel stays arranged. Now comes the hard part - deciding what to see and do when we get to the Last American Frontier. With only a day in Skagway, Ketchikan and Juneau, the choices won't be easy. While I enjoy touring famous cities and landmarks from the comfort and safety of a vehicle, as I grow older and cruise more, I find myself wanting to experience sightseeing in a more active and thrilling way. This is a big leap for an indoor girl with a fairly sedentary lifestyle. Since my travel bucket list has grown longer than my life expectancy, I want to make certain each tour is special and an event to remember. It must be the kind of activity that rises above and beyond my comfort zone, which currently sits on a pretty low threshold. Just as I fear being in the limelight (see my previous post "No, I don't want to be a volunteer ..."), I am a huge whimp when it comes to trying new things - especially when they invite potential injury. However, with the encouragement of my husband David, who is not at all afraid to venture into new territory, I am learning to spread my wings. I could plan a cruise excursion the easy way, by simply viewing the line's glossy tour booklet, choosing and booking a pre-planned excursion. All neatly packaged, wrapped and available for every cruise passenger, they are the ultimate in convenience. But what fun is that? After all, last year I planned a small private group tour of the Scottish Highlands with 14 fellow passengers, and it turned out to be the highlight of our cruise. So you see, I have discovered alternative ways, albeit involving many hours of research and, in my case, obsessive rumination over very detail of the tour. This is not to belittle cruise lines for providing a valuable service. I have taken advantage of several cruiseline excursions, and they have more than satisfied my growing thirst for adventure. The first such cruise excursion we took part in was Swimming with Stingrays in Grand Cayman over 10 years ago. This sounded like just the adventure David and I were looking for, so I promptly reserved the boat to Stingray City the minute it opened for booking on the web. The booking process was simple alright, but it still left me with lots of questions about stingrays, in general. I spent every spare moment for months reading everything I could get my hands on to find the answers to my most pressing questions: "What if I step on one? Will it bite me? Will it stab me to death with that stinger?". Keep in mind, this was before the famous Steve Irwin a/k/a Crocodile Hunter incident. As a result, I spent months perfecting the "stingray shuffle" in my living room. If that weren't enough, to fully appreciate these mysterious, graceful aquatic creatures, I needed to learn how to snorkel. All summer long, I practiced in our backyard pool until I could breathe through that tube without drowning myself, a hurdle I am proud to say I soon overcame. All my anxiety over stingrays, I am happy to say, was for naught. The experience was very cool and I survived unharmed. On a second trip to Stingray City with my daughters on a later cruise, I even did the obligatory stingray-kissing photo op - how touristy! The second must-do-before-I-die adventure would be horseback riding. Not that I knew how to ride a horse. Everything I knew about horses I learned from TV's "Mr. Ed." Oh, I had been on small ponies as a child - you know, the country fair type ride, where someone leads you and your little pony around a circle the size of a hula hoop. I always wanted a horse (didn't every little girl?) and remember begging my dad to dig up his prize vegetable garden to build a horse barn. Of, course he didn't, but I could dream! I was overjoyed to see the excursion listed as available through the ship while docked in St. Maarten. However, I was not feeling the love when I read of disappointing experiences through the ship. I decided that this was one I was going to plan on my own for myself and two daughters. So, once again, I was on a mission to find the best stables on the island with the grandest of horses and the friendliest of guides - one with a lot of patience for a novice like myself. After months of research, I found a highly recommended stable outfit on the French side of the island. Our family rented a minivan and headed off to the stables. My husband who is highly allergic to most animals watched from a distance as we were fitted for head gear and a horse suited to our weight and size. My horse was huge! Funny how they don't look that big in the movies. How do those guys in the westerns leap on and off their horse with so little effort? I couldn't even reach my foot high enough for the stirrup - my arthritic knees don't bend that way! "Ummm ... Excuse me," I timidly said. "I am going to need some help here." After some initial shock, the young stable hand lead my gallant animal and I over to the big stepladder, and I climbed up to the saddle. I felt more than a little foolish while the other few people in our party simply saddled up with very little assistance. Even my girls, who had never been within a mile of a horse in their lives, made it look so easy. With some brief instruction on how to maneuver the animal, off we went on our equine adventure. The horse was very gentle and knew the trail well, so thankfully I didn't have to do much with the reins. Slowly riding along wooded trails and gorgeous beaches - nudist beaches, I might add - it turned out to be one of the most thrilling things I had ever done! This brings me to our third planned outdoorsy thing on the list: Bears - or observing them in their natural habitat as they fish for salmon in Alaska water. And because the only way to get to the rainforest creek to see the bears is by air, we will need to fly in a floatplane to get there! A double feature - two brand new exciting and thrilling experiences in one shot! Are you sensing a theme here? Yes, animals and wilderness. This indoor girl is getting off the couch and into the wide open world! ... And now the search for bear and flight begins! Stay tuned ...

It was August of 2003. We were joyfully embarking on our second cruise, this time a 5-day voyage on the cruise ship Imagination, one of Carnival's smaller vessels. After our rookie sailing the previous summer on the Grand Princess, we simply couldn't wait to share our newfound love of the cruise experience with our two daughters, ages 16 and 11, and hoped they would be as thrilled as we were. Our destination would be the Western Caribbean, the ports of Belize and Key West, and two relaxing days at sea. We happily crammed our family of four into a 160-square-foot inside cabin, and off we sailed to paradise! Look at all that space - very cozy, wouldn't you say? Everything was going great. The girls were having a blast, reveling in this great new way to vacation. "What? We CAN eat all day and all night?" They spent the first two days joyfully grazing the culinary treats that awaited them - the buffet, ice cream, pizza, sushi, and every other delectable delight. After all, where else could they eat anything they wanted and not have to empty their pocket change! David and I, in turn, spent time immersing ourselves in all manner of onboard activity and otherwise getting to know the both the ship and the world of Carnival. Two days after embarkation we arrived at our our first port of call - the country of Belize on the eastern coast of Central America. Belize was a fairly new cruise port at the time, if I recall, featuring not much else besides tacky tourist shops. Today, if I were to return to Belize, Mayan ruins would be at the top of my list of things to see, but 10 years ago, ancient artifacts were not at the top of must-see attractions for our family. As this was their first time at sea, we wanted to do something the kids would enjoy, so we chose a snorkeling trip. I was determined to save our family lots of money, avoid the overpriced ship excursion, and spent many months prior researching various independent tours. We finally settled on a well-recommended vendor in the cruise community. We communicated with the company back and forth, being certain that the timing would work with the ship schedule. It was a well-thought-out plan, and we were ready for snorkeling. I patted myself on the back for my incredible tour-planning skills. However, as sometimes happens in life, things don't always go according to plan. For starters, Belize was a tender port. Our meeting up with the tour at the appointed time would depend on the arrival of the ship into port on time and the ability to be on the first tender. Carnival had a seemingly organized method of issuing tender tickets, and an announcement was made to head to an appointed area to pick up tickets, specifically at 9:00 a.m. and, as they firmly stated, not a moment before. No Ma'am, they would not jump the gun and play unfair. How noble, I thought. We arrived at 8:40 a.m. expecting a line of eager tender passengers. What we found were many people with tickets already in hand well before we arrived. So much for fair play! Needless to say, we only landed tickets for the second tender. We arrived to the dock just after 10:30 a.m., and our snorkel boat was nowhere in sight. After asking around at the pier, we sadly discovered that the snorkel trip had left just minutes before we arrived. The boat was gone! My heart sank, and I felt as small as a mouse. David and the girls knew how bad I felt and bravely tried to cheer me up, my two patient girls bravely hiding their disappointment. Sure, there were other vendors pedaling their tours. However, I was in a strange new land and a bummed-out state of mind, and was not ready to risk another bad decision. We walked around the ports - and, yes, much moping on my part was involved. We checked out a few shops, discovered we really weren't having much fun, and then headed back to the ship. Yeah, this is about all I remember from Belize ~ On the upside, the ship was very enjoyable without the crowds, and we had the pool to ourselves. Why, you might ask, didn't we just call the snorkel boat when we knew we would be late? I have no answer. I suspect we had no cell phones at the time. I did call the company upon return home to find out what happened, and they apologized, saying they had other people on the boat and, unfortunately couldn't wait any longer. They were nice enough to refund our deposit, even though it was not their policy to do so. Absolutely no complaints there. So - Belize was a bust - at least for us in that moment of time. I immediately vowed never to book another independent cruise tour ever again, especially one with a tender port. Of course, I didn't listen to me and, in fact, went on to book several fine local tours in the years ahead with smooth sailing and no issues. By the way, our interest in ancient ruins has blossomed since then, having seen the magnificent structures by the sea at Tulum, and we hope to one day return to Belize for another more interesting look at what the country has to offer.

Many of the places on our newly created bucket list involve land destinations, and I recently came to realize this could have serious implications on our quest to see the world before we die from the deck of a cruise ship. We may have to choose one or the other from time to time, dividing our time between land and sea, in order to fit everything in. So I thought I would use this opportunity to stage a different kind of comparison of cruise vacation vs. land vacation - a boxing match of sorts. I used to think I would be happy just traveling the world by cruise ship. After all, what could be better than sitting on my balcony as our floating chariot leads us to far away places. Then, in 2011, we gathered the entire family together and ventured to Portugal, the land of my husband's ancestors. His parents spent time there as children, and we thought it was far past time we made the journey. It was an incredible experience, renting a car and traveling all over the place, visiting the tiny rural village where his father was born, as well as the home where his mother spent her girlhood, its facade long abandoned and somewhat broken, but still standing. This made me think about other destinations in the world we have yet to see, particularly in our own country. Several days ago we returned from a week in Arizona, visiting Grand Canyon and Sedona, just a sampling of places we would like to see in this country before we're too old to enjoy them. The contenders in the ring will be my Ireland/Scotland cruise last summer ("Cruise") and a theoretical similar land tour of the same area ("Land"). The tourists in this bout will be a family of six in a rental vehicle - I call the family "ours", but it could be anybody's. Besides the obvious - the inability for a cruise ship to go far enough inland for, say, the Grand Canyon, here are some differences I've noticed in my own limited travel experience. We'll go five rounds. Round 1: The Journey Cruise: It's a very relaxing, picturesque ride around the Isles when the driving is left to our brave and noble captain. We lounge on our balcony watching the world go by. Family members are having fun exploring the ship. Land: Driving long distances can be tiring, not only for the driver but for weary passengers, as well, when confined to a car loaded with an excessive amount of luggage - not to mention the backseat driver who wants to control the driver and the kids whining "Are we there yet?" And the The Winner of Round 1 is: Cruise Round 2: Convenience Cruise: Our bags appear as if by magic at our cabin door on the first day. We unpack, lay our stuff out neatly in the drawers, making it a painless process to get dressed every day, and don't think about luggage until the end of our time at sea. Land: Each family member hauls their own over-stuffed bags into the rental car, where it is soon discovered there is not enough room for all this luggage in the trunk. Holy crap! Mom (yours truly) decides the only way to solve the problem is to toss out some of her least favorite articles of clothing, merge the rest with everyone else's stuff, and leave the excess bag behind, asking the hotel clerk to kindly do what they will with it. We schlepp our luggage in and out of each hotel along the way. Certain members of the family have organized each day's outfit into plastic baggies for easy management. The rest of us go on a daily fishing expedition. And the Winner of Round 2 is: Cruise Round 3: Bang for our Buck Cruise: For one price, we get our transportation, meals, entertainment, on-board activity, recreation, atmosphere, fresh air, a daily change of scenery, a new place to land our feet every day, and a room with a view (a window at the very least will be required for that last one). The best part? Everybody in our party can pretty much do and eat where they want, choosing from the obscene number of dining and entertainment options on board. Land: The package put together by the travel agent might include air, hotels and a rental car, but that's about it. Or you might try to be creative and piece your own vacation puzzle together. Either way, be prepared to dish out lots of British pounds or Euros for bangers & mash, haggis, Irish stew, fish & chips, and all that Guinness you'll drink. And don't forget the park and castle entrance fees. Oh, and that part in the cruise where everyone goes there own way? No way. Since there is only the one car, we are all forced to stick together like glue, and we all must mutually decide on a place to eat, which can be a bit challenging when Dad wants a big juicy steak, and Junior wants a Happy Meal. And the Winner of Round 3 is: Cruise Round 4: The Sites Cruise: The ship will take us to different fabulous ports throughout the sea journey, where we can get a brief look at the city or town it covers, from several hours to a full day - and occasionally an overnight in each port. Planning ahead is important in order to make the best of the limited time in port. A couple of hours may be fine for one port, and not nearly enough for another. Land: Freedom is the word here. It's our itinerary, created by us, and we can plan it any way we want. We're not on someone else's schedule (unless, of course, your husband runs a tight ship with everyone on his schedule). We can choose to spend three days in a city to get a real flavor of it, an overnight in another, an hour or two at an Irish pub, or simply pass through town. With a car, we can go anywhere, whenever we want. This is very important when visiting a destination with a particular purpose in mind, i.e. family heritage. And the Winner of Round 4 is: Land Round 5: Freedom Cruise: There is nothing that says we need to get off the ship when it docks in a port in the itinerary. If we feel like staying on board, we may even have the pool to ourselves. If we prefer to do nothing, we can take comfort in the fact that no one will think less of us. We are are on a cruise, and that's what we paid for. Have we ever stayed on board in lieu of visiting a port? No. The world is too big and time is too short to ignore a destination. But it's still an option. Land: The whole family is packed into the car, we've paid good money to see SOMETHING and are going to have to drive to get to the places we came to see. No, there will be no "doing nothing" on this land tour. We're on a mission. We have a lot to see and limited time to see it. And the Winner of Round 5 is: Cruise There you have it. The Cruise has taken the championship title, just as I knew it would. Will this stop us from vacationing by land? No, of course not. Land vacations still have their special place in the world of travel, especially since the kids are grown, and it's just the two of us now. It just means that we now make sure the rental car is the right size for our luggage! Do I still prefer cruising? Absolutely! To read more of my personal cruise and travel stories, visit my blog: Seven Sea Journeys at CruiseCrazies.com

First of all, welcome! Over the past years of cruise and land travel, I have had many "if-only" moments. If only I had reserved that excursion ahead of time, or if only I remembered to pack my water shoes. I have also gathered many helpful hints and much welcomed advice from experienced cruisers I've met over the years. I thought it would be great to have a blog or column just to share some of these morsels of knowledge with my fellow travelers. Some of the travel tips I share here will seem obvious to seasoned travelers, who will be thinking - "yeah, no kidding - I knew that already." Please be patient. My goal is to offer advice to young people just beginning their traveling adventures or new cruisers embarking on an ocean journey for the first time. If my well-traveled friends learn something new in the process, or perhaps a refresher of something old and familiar, all the better! Feel free to respond or offer feedback. This is a community - that's why we're here! And so ... my first and probably best tip to begin this blog: Have a Great Cruise - But Don't Expect Perfection. Stuff happens. No vacation is perfect. Sometimes a meal might not be cooked to perfection. Or an evening show proves to be less than entertaining. Or your toilet clogs up. When I read poor or scathing passenger reviews of cruises, they are more often than not from first-time cruisers with unreasonably high expectations and ill prepared. Other times they seem to have been voiced by chronically picky people or folks who just like to hear themselves complain. Do your homework, learn about the cruise line, the ship and the destination. When choosing your cruise, make sure you and your ship are a good match. If you don't like crowds, long lines and belly-flop contests, pick a smaller ship with a more sedate crowd. Likewise, if you find sitting in a chair and staring out at the sea beyond boring (is that even possible?), pick a super mega-ship with non-stop entertainment. Most of all, be prepared for anything, and approach any mishaps with a positive attitude and calm demeanor. You and everyone around you will be much happier, resulting in a better cruise experience.

Don't pay $4.00 for that bottle of water the crew will try to sell you at the gangway to your awaiting excursion. Even worse, don't be an environmental hog and bring a huge case of water from home, like I've seen some people do. It's wasteful, and those bottles are bad for the environment. Instead, go green! Pack a reusable water bottle and fill it in your stateroom sink before you head out for the day. Don't worry. The ship's water supply is purified, perfectly safe to drink, and tastes as good as any bottled water. For some occasional variety and flavor, mix in a travel packet of Crystal Light. It's much easier and less expensive than packing cases of soda - and less environmentally wasteful, too! For more ways to save money on your cruise, visit my article: 10 Ways to Avoid Getting Nickel & Dimed on Your Cruise

I see it all the time - parents who take the kids on vacation and then pretend they don't know them - or they do remember and bring them along to places off limits to kids, like the adult-only pool or hot tub, because - what the heck - "they're my kids, we're on vacation, we paid good money for this cruise and we'll do what we want." Yes, you're on vacation, but that doesn't mean you're on a sabbatical from parenting the kids you brought on your cruise. We all love children, but the antics of your own kids may not be as amusing for the people around you – especially if they’re shouting and running about, and otherwise invading the personal space of your fellow passengers. Trust me, you won't make any friends. So do your kids and yourself a favor and set some limits and enforce them. Cruises are the best family vacation, and ships have great programs for kids - try them out. And while you're at it, please tell your children that elevators are not amusement rides. Your fellow passengers will be very grateful. Visit Cruising with Children here at CruiseCrazies for more advice and tips on family cruising.

What is Safe Mode, you ask? Confused, you scan the button and menu of your phone but can't find any reference to this term. You turn to your owner's manual, but come up empty. Try this: The next time you board a ship with your cell phone, turn it off and lock it in the cabin safe for the duration of the cruise. Voila! Safe Mode! This is especially true when traveling with a smartphone. Charges for voice roaming, data roaming, streaming music and videos or downloading an app can rise into the stratosphere, and all these fees will appear on your next bill after returning home, setting you up for a severe case of "cell shock". Simply turning off and locking up your phone will avoid all this and leave you blissfully calm and relaxed. After all, isn't that what vacation is all about? However, if the thought of traveling incommunicado launches you into a full-blown panic attack, don't despair. You can still travel "smart" with your smartphone. Read more about ways to reduce the expenses for voice and data in my new article, Cruising "Smart" with Your Smartphone or Tablet. Tune in every Tuesday for a new cruise and travel tip!

It only takes a single episode of almost not making it to the port on time -- or missing the ship altogether -- to risk ruining a vacation. Flight delays are more common these days with unpredictable weather, overpacked planes and tighter security. One missed connection could mean the difference between sailing away with a margarita in your hand and waving goodbye to your ship as it sails without you. Who needs the stress! Whenever possible, fly into your port of embarkation a day or two early. Not only will you be more rested and relaxed, but if you happen to find yourself at a hotel near the cruise port, you could wake before the sun and watch your ship sail in amidst a beautiful sunrise. A room for a night need not cost a fortune. For hotel recommendations, ask your agent or simply browse the web for deals. For the ultimate convenience, ask your agent or the cruise line to add an air/hotel/ package to your cruise. You may pay a little more, but every travel detail of your cruise will be taken care of, right down to handling of your luggage. If you're on a tight budget and not very picky about your accommodations, give Priceline or Hotwire a try and bid for a room. While it's true you won't be able to pick your hotel or even the exact location, you can save a bundle on a 4-star hotel room to hang your head for the night. Even better, if you have extra time and if your budget allows, why not give yourself a bonus mini-vacation and really explore your port of call. Whether in town for a night or a week, by flying in early, you will arrive to your ship calm, cool and collected - and ready for a great cruise! For more on flying early vs. flying the day of your cruise, check out the related article: Solutions for a Smooth Flight to Your Port of Embarkation.

Like in any big city, few stars can be seen at night on a cruise ship. Even if sailing black waters with black sky far from mankind, the ships themselves blast so much light pollution that you see nothing but black. It’s just like how stars are not visible from the surface of the moon. I pondered this while at the stern rail, as aft, port, and starboard were impenetrable black. Far beyond the bow, however, the orange glow of oil refineries illuminated the swamps of Louisiana. We were nearing the mouth of the Mississippi River and occasional navigation beacons of red and green popped through the broken surface of the sea. “What happens if I fall overboard?” a man had asked me earlier. It was such a common question that my answer had become habit. “The ship will stop and a boat will pick you up.” But this was only half true. I gazed into the wake of the ship and watched the brown water churn. The waves looked very small indeed from the top decks. If the hundred-plus foot fall did not kill the passenger, he would disappear in the gargantuan swells. Fortunately, it is unlikely modern azipod propellers would chop him into chum. Safety training was very clear in the case of a man overboard: throw a life-ring first, then call the bridge. People assume the life-ring is simply a flotation device, but it is in fact much more. A person’s head will disappear from sight within seconds from the deck of a big ship. After throwing a life ring we were trained to grab someone, anyone, to physically point at the swimmer and not stop until he’s found, no matter how long it takes. That physical act of pointing is paramount, for even if aware of the swimmer, he’ll be lost in less than one minute at sea. But at night? And if no one sees you fall? Goodbye. That very cruise someone had, in fact, gone overboard. Rumors of how and why among the crew and guests were rampant. The leading story among passengers was that two honeymooners were arguing and there was a push. Crew thought differently. Another suicide, most agreed. For suicides were not so rare on cruise ships. More than a few folks intentionally spent their every last penny on a final week of wild abandon and, late on the final night, jumped overboard. What better way to ensure no one will rescue you? How many people are looking aft of a ship at 3AM? It is possible to survive such falls, but unlikely unless you’re a fighter. Though statistically utterly insignificant, unexplained deaths on a cruise ship do happen. Because most occur in international waters, reporting obligations and behavior are decidedly less than altruistic. Cruise lines invariably fudge reporting, because people read headlines, not articles. Whether it’s a suicide or not matters little to critics, who pounce upon any hint of cruise line recklessness. Even if it is a suicide, days can pass before verification from land-based authorities, even with the presence of a note. By then, sensational headlines can blow things wildly out of proportion. On that cruise, nobody knew for certain what happened. An investigation was resolved somewhere on land, as was always the case. The only fact the crew knew for sure was that the man was never found until he washed up on the Gulf Coast several days later. I focused on a floating piece of flotsam and watched it disappear into the night. It was lost to the blackness within fifteen seconds. By Brian David Bruns, author of national best-seller Cruise Confidential. Pics of the people and places I blog about are on my website and FB pages, join me! www.BrianDavidBruns.com https://www.facebook.com/BrianDavidBruns Discover life below the waterline, where dozens of nationalities combine in ways none could have ever imagined. Strange cabins mates, strange food, strange ports, and strange ways (not to mention strange guests!). From the author of national best-seller Cruise Confidential comes the memories, the dramas, and most of all the laughs, of a job unlike anything else in the world. We enjoy vacation. They live adventure.

What do you say to a group of thirty scared, exhausted, but excited people who have flown 5,000 to 10,000 miles from home to start a new job at sea? What words can simultaneously console both a macho Bulgarian man and a timid Indonesian woman? Upon joining Carnival Fantasy’s restaurant training, I heard the following spiel, more or less, and found it engaging. “Let me welcome you aboard,” said the trainer. “We are going to have a lot of fun, and we are going to do a lot of work. I guarantee this will be a new experience for all of you. It will not be easy. Let’s start with why you are here. You’re all here for the same reason: money. “So to make money, you first need to learn about serving Americans. It doesn’t matter what things were like back home. The majority of cruisers are American, so you need to learn what they like and what they don’t like. Americans are the easiest people to serve in the world. They’re not interested in fine service. They eat out all the time there, so being in the dining room is not a special occasion for them the way it is for most of us. So they don’t want a servant: they want a friend. They will ask personal questions about you and your family. They’ll ask where you’re from, but don’t be upset if they don’t know where that is. Most won’t. “This is an American corporation with American guests, which means American standards. That doesn’t mean you must eat hamburgers every day, but it does mean washing with soap and water every day. I’m from India, for example, and lots of Indians smell bad because they don’t use soap. That may be fine back home, but it can’t happen here. America means deodorant. “And ships mean English. In guest areas always use English. Even if you are talking about cricket scores in your native language, Americans will assume you’re talking about them. Nobody knows why. I guess it’s their big sense of personal identity. “Now let me tell you a true story. A waiter from the Philippines once had a table of old ladies who refused to leave after lunch. He needed them out so he could set up his station for dinner. Finally they ordered more coffee, which was long gone. He had to brew more. It meant he was going to miss preparing for his dinner guests, which probably meant hard time for the second seating, too. He stormed away swearing in Tagalog, using very bad words. He assumed he was safe. But one of the ladies was married to a military man stationed in the Philippines. She understood every word and told the hotel director. The waiter was forced to apologize and was sent home the very next port, mid-cruise. “Carnival has over sixty nationalities that get along very well. If we don’t, we get sent home. That means no money. If you fight with anybody because he’s different, you will be sent home. No money. Even if someone hits you and you don’t fight back, you are both going home. Carnival takes it that seriously. Revel in learning about the world, but don’t forget why we are here. “Look around,” he said. “These strange foreigners are all here, just like you, for the money. And though it may not seem like it now, by the end of training these strange foreigners will feel like family.” He was right. When the four weeks were up, there was not a dry eye in the class. By Brian David Bruns, author of national best-seller Cruise Confidential. Pics of the people and places I blog about are on my website and FB pages, join me! www.BrianDavidBruns.com https://www.facebook.com/BrianDavidBruns

I’m talking about a man of a different sort. A bird whisperer. The Bird Man of Conquest. I prefer the latter name because it evokes the cramped, sparse living conditions of Alcatraz. That’s closer to a crew’s experience than, say, comfy suburbanites with enough expendable income for professional pet counseling. I’m not judging, but rather reminding that American attitudes towards animals are puzzling to the majority of the world. American pets are part of the family, receiving the same affection and accommodations as our children (certainly mine, anyway!). But many people around the world coexist with animals in a way I can scarcely conceive. I saw some of it on Conquest. We were docked in Montego Bay. The sun shot through the clouds in bold shafts, I remember, and the air was heavy with moisture. Those of us in the Lido restaurant denied shore leave were consoled by the nearby presence of damp green tree tops, mottled with shadows yet lively with colorful birds hopping to and fro. It was a quiet afternoon of dazzling beauty. Apparently we were not the only ones dazzled. A solitary bird, perhaps lured by the scent of food, had flown into the restaurant. He was a small, gaily-colored little bird. The poor guy fluttered about, unable to find the exit, confused by the overhanging mezzanine that refused to act like a jungle canopy. He zig-zagged through the dining room, zipping this way and that, growing more and more agitated by the minute. We gleefully kept the doors open and tried to herd him towards freedom. There was much laughter, but we were ultimately unsuccessful. After a while, now flapping in pure desperation, the bird disappeared deeper into the galley. Suddenly we realized the little burst of joy that gave us a much-needed break in an otherwise rigid, exhausting routine had probably done so at the expense of his life. It was a sad moment. “I’ll get him,” said a waiter confidently. He was from Indonesia. His name was Bambang. “If he couldn’t figure out how to escape through all these open double doors,” I said doubtfully, “How can you expect to herd him through the small doors of the galley and the corridors?” Bambang just smiled and asked, “May I go after him?” Like I would say no. But then again, this could easily have been an excuse to sneak a cigarette while on duty. (I’ve had waiters literally claim their mothers’ death just to get an extra smoke). Nary five minutes passed and out from the galley came Bambang. We clustered around him, but he gave us a silent head-shake to keep us at bay. For perched upon his finger, tiny chest heaving, was the bird. Bambang strode to the nearest exterior doors, whispering softly to his new companion. He even caressed it with gentle strokes of the back of his fingers. Once outside, the bird flew off to its native Jamaica. “I’m from a small village in the jungle,” Bambang explained simply before returning to soiled plates and silverware. I was awestruck. Could I have made the transition Bambang had? Before ships he had not only been one with nature, but likely lived entirely defined by its caprice. How utterly different his life must have been, before this one of tight metal walls, recycled air, and artificial light. I was reminded that each crew member, regardless of duties or labels, was indeed an individual treasure. And it gave me hope that I could maybe, just maybe, hope to someday control my cats. By Brian David Bruns, author of national best-seller Cruise Confidential. Win a free autographed paperback of my newest cruise book, Unsinkable Mister Brown! Details at www.BrianDavidBruns.com

I stumbled onto this blog by “Crewbar Queen,” begun on two separate sites several years ago. She obviously held a staff position, based on the ease of her entry into ships. She didn’t see it that way. Her words, filled with anxiety and confusion, moved me. All crew can relate to her every word. Below is her only post. “It’s Sunday and I joined the ship today. I am already exhausted. I look around as I type this, staring at the four walls of this closet size cabin with four beds in it. Soon my roommates will be off work so I am glad I was able to shower before they get back. One bathroom, four beds, one tv, one other Canadian, a Filipino Girl and a Romanian. I can't remember their names yet. The Romanian girl seemed stuck up as hell. In fact, so did most of the Romanian girls I met today. “I wonder what I am doing here. From the second I stepped onboard today, I have been pulled in every direction, fitted for an ugly red uniform, thrown into a boring three hour safety class which pretty much has me fearing a Titanic-like experience now, and I have been lost three times. “I am starting work tomorrow. I will just stand alongside some girl who seems to struggle with the English language, and learn as I go. 2000 guests got off the ship today and another 2000 got on. I am feeling a little overwhelmed at the amount of knowledge I need to have. Everyone here seems so intense. The Safety Manager flipped out on me and this other Canadian girl when we were late for class today. He actually threatened to send us back home before we left port. I never realized I would need to know how many lifeboats a ship carries, or how to evacuate the passengers. Isn't there a captain and some sort of safety squad for that?? “I kind of miss home. I packed my life into cardboard boxes in less than a week and left every comfort zone I was sheltered by. The small voice inside of me that I normally ignore finally spoke loud enough to get me here, and now it's still trying to talk me through it. This is supposed to be a chance to see the world and an opportunity to grow. “Later - My roommates are back and I am sitting in bed. The Romanian girl’s name is Alina. She hardly said two words to me when she got here, but she sure is full of conversation for this guy in her bed now. All I can hear is her giggling and his deep Caribbean accent. I guess he's her boyfriend. I didn't realize we could fit another body into this cabin. Wait...is she really....what the f@#$, they are screwing! “Does she not realize two other people are in this room? Does she seriously think this curtain that closes around each bunk is sound proof?? I open my curtain and look across at the bunk next to me where the Filipino girl, Carmella, is sitting. I look at her as if to say, "is this really happening?". She smiles obliviously and keeps staring at the TV, slurping her instant noodles. Clearly, this is something she is used to. I'm logging off for the night. I'm not to used to falling asleep to live porn, I think I'll pop in some of these ear plugs they gave us to drown out the sound of the engine and try to get some sleep.” By Brian David Bruns, author of national best-seller Cruise Confidential. Pics of the people and places I blog about are on my website and FB pages, join me! www.BrianDavidBruns.com https://www.facebook.com/BrianDavidBruns

Working midnight buffet, I sensed something was wrong. Ketchup bottles slid to port. All of them, in unison. Any sharp turn was amplified up here on deck 14, but Conquest continued to list further… further…. Silverware bundles tumbled off tables. Then plates. The ship keeled more. Waiters were ordered to the dish room to manually hold up stacks of plates and saucers. Glasses were deemed safe in their washing racks. But it was too late. Sharp crashes cried entire stacks of plates were gone… one… three… a cascade. And Conquest kept listing. Simultaneously two dozen ketchup bottles exploded on the tiles. Plates in hundreds shattered everywhere. I tripped over a plastic pitcher crushed open on the floor. In a flash the cream inside streaked fifty feet across the deck. Now I had to hold onto something to avoid falling myself. Then she righted. The chaos audibly lessened, but only for a moment. Conquest righted abruptly: too abruptly. Experienced crew members knew what that meant and abandoned property in favor of protecting themselves. I gripped the buffet as the floor tried to dump me starboard. The cream was still very much alive, a shocking white lightning bolt zigzagging into the dark. Watching the fluid move so violently made me realize there was something much greater to worry about. A waiter was stationed by the pool. I scrambled over the slanting deck to the stern with great difficulty; to the pizza station, the grill, the pool. A gaping, empty hole was the pool, for all water had already pushed out to sweep across the restaurant before draining en masse to the deck below. The unsecured tables were piled high in a corner, entangled and dripping, legs worked together like the roots of a mangrove. Perched atop and soaked to the skin was a smiling Indonesian waiter. A close call, but everyone was all right. What had happened? Conquest had nearly collided with an errant barge while entering the busy mouth of the Mississippi River. A late-night sinking in the vast, black wastes of the ocean, a la Titanic, it was not. But was being ten miles from the unlit, swampy, forested bayou really any better? Because the water was not one degree above freezing didn’t mean a better chance at survival, it meant you’d linger… terrified… struggling… until exhaustion took you down, down to the dark depths. So should you be scared of ships hitting each other? No. How many big ship collisions have their been in the last century? In the modern cruising era, only the Andrea Doria—and that was in 1956. In a foggy night near Nantucket she was struck broadside by the MS Stockholm. The Andrea Doria listed so badly that half her lifeboats were unusable. Despite this, her modern ship design was so efficient she remained afloat for eleven hours, allowing all survivors to be safely evacuated. That’s less miracle and more engineering. Miraculous was Linda Morgan. The teenager was sleeping in her cabin with her half-sister when the ships struck. The blow somehow lifted her into the bow of the Stockholm and deposited her safely behind a bulkhead as the ships scraped along each other through the fog. Later, she was found wandering around asking for her mother in her native Spanish, much to the astonishment of the Swedish-speaking crew. Her sister was not so lucky, nor were 45 others directly struck by the collision. But nowadays ships have even more safety features, including zillions of inflatable life rafts that deploy automatically. They don’t need electronics, just physics. They can’t go wrong. Neither can you, if you stay calm. So enjoy your cruise! By Brian David Bruns, author of national best-seller Cruise Confidential. Pics of the people and places I blog about are on my website and FB pages, join me! www.BrianDavidBruns.com https://www.facebook.com/BrianDavidBruns

If your ship sinks and you’re stranded, without food or water, with only an open boat and your own resources, can you stay alive? Sure! This was proven in rather dramatic fashion by Frenchman Alain Bombard, who believed people could survive such trials. On October, 19, 1953 he voluntarily set off from the Canary Islands to cross the Atlantic in a 15 foot rubber boat. He intended to make it to the West Indies. Not a scrap of food. Not a drop of water. Just his clothes and an inflatable cushion. Bombard believed that shipwreck survivors died drinking seawater simply because they waited too long to do so. From the time he set off, he drank 1.5 pints (.71 liters) of seawater every day. He supplemented this with water squeezed from fish caught with a makeshift harpoon. Gross? Yes. But not as bad as the raw plankton he swallowed. He would trail a cloth through the sea to capture the microscopic organisms, figuring if they could keep a whale alive, then he’d have no problem. Unlike a whale, which can gobble zillions of the stuff with one big mouthful, he struggled to get one or two teaspoons of it a day. After twenty days of this self-induced torture, he broke out in a painful rash. But he wasn’t dead. Not that the sea didn’t try. A storm within days of setting out nearly wrecked his little rubber boat. His sail ripped and the spare was blown away entirely. More distressing still was what else it blew away: his inflatable cushion. Knowing he could live without food and water, but not without a comfortable posterior, Bombard secured his craft with a sea anchor and jumped overboard after it. While he was diving, he discovered to his horror that the sea anchor was not working. This parachute-like device was tied to the boat and left to drag in the ocean, thus keeping the craft nearby. Without it, the current was sweeping the boat hopelessly out of reach. Luckily the sea anchor fixed itself—it had been caught in its own mooring line—and he was able to haul himself back aboard. Strangely, whether he retrieved the cushion or not was never revealed. Weeks passed, but Alain Bombard did not die. He survived off of seawater, plankton, and whatever raw fish he could catch at the surface. On day 53 he hailed a passing ship to ask his position. Sadly, he had another 600 miles to go before reaching his intended destination. He seriously considered giving up, for had he not already vindicated his supposition that man could survive on sea water? After a meal on the ship, his spirits were revived, however, and he voluntarily returned to his little rubber boat. On Christmas Eve he reached Barbados, having sailed more than 2,750 miles (4425 kilometers) in 65 days. He lost 56 pounds (25 kilograms), but was otherwise fine. And that was in an open boat with nothing. If your cruise ship goes down and you’re in a life raft, it has a roof. That makes a huge difference. Also, life rafts are equipped with emergency rations of food and water, and even fishing kits. Most importantly of all, however, is that modern life rafts have radio transponders. You won’t have to wait months. Probably not even days. The moral of the story? If your ship goes down, don’t panic. Be awesome. You absolutely have it in you. It's just gonna taste really bad. By Brian David Bruns, author of national best-seller Cruise Confidential. Pics of the people and places I blog about are on my website and FB pages, join me! www.BrianDavidBruns.com https://www.facebook.com/BrianDavidBruns

Congratulations to my latest cruise book, Unsinkable Mister Brown, which won the bronze at the London Book Festival. This marks the second international award for the book, (also took the silver medal in Paris). For those not familiar with my Cruise Confidential series, Unsinkable Mister Brown is the third book, but actually a prequel and a good starting place. I say an excerpt is in order! Here’s how to get a job on a cruise ship: persistence, bribes, and a lot of lies! An hour later we were sitting in the office of Ovidiu, the Romanian recruiting agent for Carnival Cruise Lines. He was a slender man with a handsome face, a very handsome wardrobe, and an extremely handsome office. His suite comprised the entire second floor of a brick building, featuring numerous windows looking into a lush interior court. Light filtered in through an angled glass skylight and past his mezzanine entrance, making it look like a bridge over a jungle. “Americans can’t handle ships,” he said. “So I hear,” I replied, giving Bianca an amused look. She sat in the chair beside mine, looking relaxed but serious. “What is it you think I can do for you?” Ovidiu asked. “I am a recruiter for Romanians, not Americans. There are no American recruiters, of course.” “So I hear,” I repeated. “Why is that?” “Because none apply,” he replied thoughtfully, leaning back. “Why would you want to? The work is very hard, and the money is very small.” Bianca raised an eyebrow, and Ovidiu hastily added, “For an American.” “I’m not thinking big,” I said. “It’s just a waiter job. I’ve been in restaurants for a decade.” “Not on ships, you haven’t,” he pointed out. “Do you know computers?” “He knows computers,” Bianca interrupted, before I could protest. “Other than doctors, who are supernumeraries anyway, and entertainers, who have their own agencies, the only position I can even think of for an American would involve computers.” “I just want to be a waiter, man,” I repeated. Ovidiu leaned forward skeptically. “Why?” “My reasons are irrelevant.” “No, they’re not,” Ovidiu insisted. “Why would they bother with someone who will just quit? They’ll want to know your story before they even think of meeting you. And believe me, they’ll need to meet you.” “I want to be with Bianca,” I explained. “If we have the same job, we can be together. That simple.” “I see,” he said, nodding. “Well, in my ten years at Carnival, I’ve never seen even one American. I would not even talk to you, but Bianca is a good employee and a friend. Again, what is it you think I can do for you?” “You can think Romanian-style,” Bianca answered for me. “Not American-style.” Ovidiu thought for a moment, frowning. “No, that won’t work. The bribes are to convince me, and you don’t need to worry about that. Really, Bianca, I would sign him on if I could. I can’t.” He opened a drawer from his desk and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. We declined his offer, so he casually lit one for himself. He leaned towards me, elbows on the desk. “You want to know why Bianca doesn’t need to bribe me?” “Suddenly I’m not so sure.” “Bianca is the only one who almost beat me. Almost, of course.” I looked at Bianca, but she said nothing. Her delicate wiggle of satisfaction was corroboration enough. “As agent to cruise ships, my job is to screen people. If I like them, and there is a job opening, I find the right place for them. Bianca applied for the restaurants. That’s the highest paid job, so everybody applies for it first. It is also the toughest, so I don’t let them by easily.” He paused, grinned, and offered Bianca a cigarette again. This time she accepted, leaning forward to accept the light with a creak of leather skirt. “She said she worked at a certain restaurant. I called the owner and he said, ‘oh, of course, she has worked here for years!’ That, of course, only meant she could lie and bribe. Romanian-style. Turns out, she only volunteered there for a summer.” Bianca shrugged, explaining, “I needed to learn restaurants.” “I knew she was lying, but couldn’t catch her. She was too smart. She had asked all of her waitress friends penetrating questions and listened close. I asked her this and that, and of her experiences here and there. She had an answer for all of it. The performance was amazing.” Bianca laughed, and added, “Until Ovidiu pulled his bloody secret weapon from the filing cabinet!” Reflecting upon what I knew of Romanians thus far, I presumed this meant a large knife. “A linen napkin,” Ovidiu clarified. “I told her ‘You said you know half a dozen napkin folds. Show me.’ She wilted before my very eyes, like a Gypsy had spit in her ice cream. I told her to relax, go have a cigarette, then come back. I had her paperwork done by then.” “All that to be a waiter?” I asked. “It’s not rocket science.” Ovidiu leaned back again. He casually blew his smoke into the air, then looked me in the eye. “You have no idea what you’re getting into, do you?” The London Book Festival awards ceremony will be held Jan. 24th in London. Until then, the most popular formats of Unsinkable Mister Brown will be 50% off. See my website for details at http://brev.is/mS94

Do you ever wonder if you are merely cheap or actually a horrible person? Tipping is highly variable from culture to culture, and even gratuity-savvy passengers are lost at sea on cruise ships. What tips are expected, what’s appropriate, what’s… ‘normal’? Confusion surrounding this issue was intentionally created by the cruise lines themselves. The open secret is that the majority of staff is paid hardly anything at all. Cruise lines hide this behind gratuities. Especially with the rise to prominence of Carnival Cruise Lines—catering to overwhelmingly American and, thusly, gratuity-expectant guests—cruise lines realized they can get a whole lot more staff for a whole lot less money. This wage model was adopted by nearly every major cruise line, in many ways fueling the explosive growth of the industry throughout the 80’s and 90’s. Prior to that, cruising was exceptional and reserved for the well-to-do. Now it’s a common vacation open to anyone budget-minded. When I was a waiter on Carnival, my monthly salary was around fifty bucks (US $50). That’s for working 12-15 hours a day, seven days a week. Tips kept me alive. (True, tips added up to less than the U.S.’s average minimum wage, but that’s a completely different subject.) Ah, but how much to tip? Even tip-savvy passengers had no basis from which to quantify their appreciation. In America, 15% gratuity is standard for acceptable service, 20% for good service. But on ships, individual meals were not broken down so numerically. So what’s 20%? In my case, Carnival created automatic gratuities for passengers to opt in on for the whole cruise. Waiters knew any passenger who opted out of this service, whatever their reason, invariably skimped on tips. We hated those people. They almost never tipped enough. Especially in my case, because I was a terrible waiter. (if you want to see how bad, read my book Cruise Confidential!) Over time, some services became auto-tipped and others not. Yet every crew member was clamoring for tips, even those without any reason whatsoever for getting any (read: maitre D’s). And what about room stewards, who had no inferred costs for their services? Well-intentioned passengers were confused all over again. Cruise lines used this confusion to their advantage. A great example of this comes from P&O Cruise Lines. Prior to 2012, their managing director Carol Marlow was promoting P&O's value-for-money by pointing out that unlike some of its competitors, their company did not automatically add tips. Then, in April 2012, P&O began requiring auto-tips of £3.10 per person, per day. To explain the complete reversal, Marlow said,“Tipping has always been an integral part of the cruise experience but sometimes our passengers tell us they've been confused over whether or when to leave a cash tip for their waiters and cabin stewards. Our new tipping policy aims to remove this confusion in much the same way as most restaurants these days add a suggested gratuity to the bill.” Nowadays, the majority of cruise lines ‘take care’ of their staff with mandatory tipping. Good! If and when a cruise line offers pre-paid gratuities—and you have a soul—do it. Concerns about the line failing to properly distribute the money are rising, but that’s step two. Step one is getting the cash out of the hands of us passengers (ships are great at that!). The best thing, of course, would be for cruise lines to remove tipping entirely. Basic wages should be enhanced to reflect that and the cost built into the basic price of a cruise. Crew could rely on a regular, guaranteed income. We’ve all had to slave away for absolutely no money at one time or another due to bad service outside our own arena. Plus it’s easier on guests because tips are a hidden cost. Here’s a rough breakdown of current rates (US dollars, per day): Carnival Cruise Lines $10.50 Celebrity Cruises $12-16 Costa Cruises $8-10.50 Cunard $11.50- 15 Disney Cruise Line $12.50-14 Fred Olsen Lines $6.50 Holland America Line $11.50 MSC Cruises $8-10 Norwegian $12.50 Oceania Cruises $14.25-19.50 Princess Cruises $12-12.75 Royal Caribbean Int. $12-14 By Brian David Bruns, author of national best-seller Cruise Confidential. Pics of the people and places I blog about are on my website and FB pages, join me! www.BrianDavidBruns.com https://www.facebook.com/BrianDavidBruns

The number of ships in port on any given day can have a significant impact on your cruise experience. The more ships in port, the heavier the crowds and the greater the demand for popular attractions. The number of ships can affect everything from available taxis to seating at popular restaurants. A super-mega ship like Royal Caribbean's Oasis of the Seas carries 5,400 passengers alone, and if it is joined in port by two or three other modestly size ships, that number can double or even triple in size. Combine that with the number of locals and land tourists, and you can expect large crowds and exceedingly long waits for the most sought-after sights that you and every other tourist want to see. While I don't choose a cruise based on the number of ships in port, I do like to check sites such as www.cruisetimetables.com or www.cruisereport.com - or, better yet, the individual port websites themselves - to find out what I can expect in terms of port congestion and how far ahead I should book an independent tour or otherwise arrange my day. For example, I might choose an off-the-beaten-track tour if I know there will be an overly large number of people in town. Simply look up your port and the date on which you ship will be docked there, and you will learn how many ships will be docked and their arrival and departure times - especially useful if your ship is first to arrive and you want to get a head start to beat the crowds. Knowing in advance how many people will be competing for tours can be a deciding factor in how you plan your day in port.

You are getting ready to book your first cruise, but don’t know your “fore” from your “aft”. Have no fear – help is here! Listed below are some common words and phrases – or “cruise-speak” – to help prevent you from sounding like a rookie when discussing cruises with your friends or browsing through the cruise forums. For instance, “On which deck is my stateroom located?” sounds much more cruise savvy than “What floor is my room on?” Some definitions are “by the book”, and others are my own personal interpretation! Aft: Near, towards or at the rear (stern) of the ship. Atrium: An interior, centrally located & multi-level open area of the ship B2B: Short for “back-to-back” cruise, or two consecutive cruises (usually on the same ship) Berth: (a) a cabin bed; (b) the dock or pier at which ship sits when in port (not to be confused with “birth”, which is what happened behind the scenes nine months after every “Love Boat” episode! Bow: The front of the ship (rhymes with “cow”) Bridge: The ship’s navigation and command center; also a structure used for crossing over a body of water or ripping the mast off a ship sailing beneath if said bridge is too low Deck: The "floors" of the ship, connected by elevators ("lifts") or staircases Document Dance: The excited creative movements your feet make when your cruise documents arrive! Chair Hog: (a) a thoughtless and rude person who saves many deck chairs in the morning only to leave them totally unoccupied for the rest of the day; (b) s of the earth. Drydock: a magical place where a cruise ship goes to get a makeover, eventually emerging “like new” without a blemish (or so its future passengers hope!) Debarkation: Leaving your ship when the cruise is over (boo-hoooo!) E-Docs: Electronic documents (as opposed to paper documents which seem to have gone the way of the dinosaur) Embarkation: Boarding your ship when your cruise begins (yahoooo!!) FCC: Future cruise credit – a credit toward a future cruise, usually given as an incentive to book a cruise while on board another Forward: Toward the front (bow) of the ship; the direction the ship is heading (means the engines are working) Galley: The ship’s kitchen where culinary magic happens Gangway: (a) A ramp or steps by which passengers enter or leave the ship; (b) the place where a passenger is accosted by the ship’s photographer each and every time stepping off in port. Guarantee: A type of cabin booking in which the cruise line promises accommodations in a specified category or cabin at a specific rate, and guarantees you will receive a cabin in that category or better Homeport: The port in which a ship is based and most often sails from, and to which every cruiser wants to live within close proximity. Inside cabin: Cabin with no window Itinerary: The route the ship will travel, detailing arrival and departure times and ports visited Keel: (a) The ship’s “backbone” extending underneath from bow to stern; (b) what a passenger does when receiving the bill at the end of the cruise, i.e. “keels over”. Lido deck: The ship's deck consisting of swimming pools, watersides, rock-climbing wall, wave pools, ice skating rinks, movie screens and every other amusement park ride. Knot: (a) A unit of speed equal to one nautical mile; (b) the way one's stomach is configured when an apprehensive individual is about to swim with stingrays for the first time M.S.: (a) abbrev. for “motor ship”; (b) could also mean a "mega ship"; i.e. "Mega-mammoth of the Seas" Maitre d’: Supervisor of the dining room (next to the ship’s purser, he’s the person to whom people most like to complain) M&G: Meet & greet: meeting of a group of cruisers, sometimes scheduled in advance of the cruise Midnight Buffet: Really? Do we need to eat more? Muster drill: Mandatory practice drill whereby passengers and crew are sent to a preassigned area (muster station) and instructed in safety regulations. Thanks to Concordia, everyone now shows up, awake and alert. Naughty Room: The secret place where the cruise line sends people who try to sneak booze onboard. OBC/SBC: Onboard credit/shipboard credit: An amenity given by a travel agent or cruise line as an incentive to book Onboard Account: A mysterious cashless system onboard a cruise ship whereby the passenger registers a credit card at the beginning of the cruise, and on the last day presented with a bill containing an absurdly large numeric figure. Outside Cabin: A cabin with a window providing a view; in some cases the view is obstructed by a big orange lifeboat Port: (a) The left side of the ship, facing forward; (b) the place the ship docks and the most likely place to empty your wallet © a wine which you may have while in port. Ex: “I exited the ship portside, took a taxi from port to a pub for a glass of port.” Promenade: Open walkway running almost the entire length of each side of the ship, sometimes encircling the ship entirely. Or at least it used to. Private balcony: A veranda that is attached to your cabin. The term “private” is debatable. Purser: (a) The person in charge of onboard accounts and guest relations; (b) the crewmember passengers line up for in droves at the end of the cruise, as if he was some kind of rock star. Single occupancy: Sole occupancy of a cabin designed for two or more passengers, for an absurd amount of money Stabilizers: A fin-like device extending beneath the ship’s waterline from both sides of the ship to the front, making the ship more stable, and therefore, making it less likely you’ll lose your lunch. Starboard: The right side of the ship, facing forward Stateroom: Your cabin, ranging from the size of a teeny closet to that of an apartment Stern: The rear of the ship (Aft) Steward: The person who attends to your cabin; sometimes fondly referred to as “Stewart”. TA: (a) Short for “Travel Agent”: The individual with whom cruisers seem to have a love/hate relationship – i.e. the TA is either loved or despised; (b) can also mean a "Transatlantic" cruise Tender: (a) A small motorized vessel to move passengers from the ship to shore if the ship must anchor; (b) how your skin will feel when you’ve spent too much time baking in the Caribbean sun. Upper: A single bed or bunk usually recessed into the wall during the day Upper and Lower: Bunk beds Towel Animal: Cute (or incredibly scary!) animal fashioned from towels by “Stewart” There you have it. Feel free to add your own cruise-speak words!

This was it, the reason for our cruise to Alaska - to see glaciers before they melt. We were aboard the Grand Princess, on a 11-day cruise which left San Francisco on July 29, 2013. The Captain told us the previous day that the best place to initially observe the glaciers would be port side, and a naturalist from Glacier Bay National Park would be on board to narrate about our wondrous surroundings. We reached Glacier Bay about 6:00 a.m., and as the morning wore on, the skies became sunnier and the water bluer than we could have imagined, setting up what would become one of the most breathtaking visual displays of nature that we've ever seen. We woke up early, grabbed our cameras and binoculars, donned a couple of warm layers and headed up top, where we could get a good panoramic vista. There were already a few hardy souls up there when we arrived, wrapped in blankets sitting in chairs by the railing. This looked like a good idea, so we did the same. I won't lie. It was freezing up there on deck! It wasn't long before we ran back to the cabin for another layer or two. We purchased a nice hot Irish coffee from the nearby cart to warm our insides and hunkered down bundled up in our chairs as the ship slowly glided through the bay. My new high-powered binoculars did not fail me as I scoped the waters for wildlife and calving glaciers. I spotted a few sea lions swimming by and a few whale spouts in the distance, and I heard from others that a moose was seen swimming from one shore to another. As beautiful as the hills of Ireland and Scotland were on our cruise last summer, they were no match for the beauty of these snow-covered rugged peaks, mountains, inlets, majestic glaciers and crystal-clear waters. The mix of clouds, sun, shadows and mist lay over the glaciers and mountains in such a way that they sometimes appeared to be magnificent works of art. As the ship made its way through the bay, we marveled at the splendor of it all, including two glaciers - Margerie Glacier and then John Hopkins Glacier - and were lucky enough to witness calving at Marjerie. One especially large chunk of ice starting from the top of the glacier came down crashing into the sea below and, fortunately, was captured on video by my husband. I had gone inside to warm up and, of course, missed the whole big calving event, but we are so lucky to have it on record! Our day in Glacier Bay truly exceeded our expectations. It was humbling to stand in the presence of some of nature's finest wonders, I and hope to some day return again for another glimpse. This is just a taste of what we experienced on our recent Alaska cruise. For the full report, READ MY FULL REVIEW. Check out my "Best of Alaska" Photos

As the holiday season approaches each year, I wonder aloud to those who will listen: Wouldn’t it be great to combine two of my most favorite things in the world: Christmas and a cruise vacation. From the moment I picked up a copy of John Grisham’s “Skipping Christmas,” at the library, I knew that book was written with specifically me in mind. If you haven’t read the book, or seen its weaker film version (“Christmas with the Kranks”), the story is about a couple that decides one year to forego Christmas altogether and plan a cruise. Ultimately, the whole plan goes up the chimney when their daughter decides to come for a visit over the holidays. Don’t think for a minute that this intriguing idea hasn’t crossed my mind a few times. I certainly don’t mean to ban decorations and all other holiday things from our midst, as the fictional family had in mind. I greatly enjoy gift giving, holiday music and Christmas decorations, the tree and celebrations with the family. We simply would be absent from the festivities for a week or so in the days surrounding Christmas – the busiest time for meal planning, cooking, baking and clean-up. What if we were to just skip all that and sail away on a cruise ship to a warm, tropical place, where there were no dirty dishes to clean and beds to make? Now that’s what I call a gift! My husband has always been the traditionalist in our marriage. He believes in family and traditions – the ones we have grown up with and the ones we’vd created for ourselves. Not that I don’t believe in these things. I most certainly do. It is, after all, all about the family. But it still won’t stop me from dreaming about doing something a little different. I imagine my husband and I having a fun little debate: “Home for the Holidays vs. A Christmas Cruise.” With some key points and arguments, I imagine it would go something like this: School Break Him: I don’t want to spend my entire school vacation week away from home. Me: I thought that’s why they called it “vacation” – so you could go away and leave all the work behind. Festive Décor Him: What about the tree and all the decorations? Me: Our tree has gone from a rambling 6-foot spruce to 4-foot table twig, and the decorations come out right after Thanksgiving and stay up long past Christmas. The boughs of holly and dancing Santas will still be here when we get home. Besides, wouldn’t it be fun to see a cruise ship decked out in holiday splendor? Seasonal Music Him: My idea of Christmas is spending a relaxing night in front of the fire with Christmas music flowing from the stereo. Me: No one likes holiday music more than me, keeping it going well into January. Load Mannheim Steamroller and Jazzy Wonderland up on your iPhone, and you’re good to go! Just think, honey - instead of experiencing chestnuts roasting on an open fire, we’ll be two lovebirds roasting in the Caribbean sun - or, better yet, chilling under a shady palm tree! Christmas Dinner Him: What about the turkey, ham and mashed potatoes? Me: I spend the entire Christmas day in the kitchen while you’re lounging in the recliner with your eggnog and newspaper in front of the fire, playing with whatever new electronic gadget Santa left under the tree. I say give me a break, and let’s have someone else cook us a four-course meal and clean up afterwards. A White Christmas Him: It won't feel like Christmas without snow. Me: Even though we live in New England, I can barely count on one hand the number of times we’ve had snow on Christmas in the past 36 years of marriage. Lots of people all over the world celebrate Christmas in warm, tropical places - without a flake. Snow is cold, slippery, a pain to shovel and leads to heart attacks and broken bones. A cruise is pure relaxation and good for the soul. Gift Giving and Tradition Him: We need to be home for our traditional Christmas Eve and Christmas Day family gift giving and gatherings. Me: Our gifts to each other will be the cruise, and we’ll give our gifts to the family when we get back. That way, we’ll have a Christmas after Christmas. Besides, as every devout Christian will tell you, Christmas begins ­on Christmas Day and doesn’t officially end until the 6th of January; hence, the 12 days of Christmas. The Religious Meaning Him: I won't think of missing church services on Christmas Eve. Me: Did you know that cruise ships have religious services? Yes, they do. So you can celebrate the birth of Christ at sea. Besides, you fall asleep and snore in church. Family Him: What about the kids? What will they do? Her: Let’s see … our oldest has her husband, baby and her own new traditions to begin, and the younger two offspring will get together for Chinese food, video gaming, watch movies, sleep late and miss the holiday anyway. And if they do decide to wake up and partake in some festivities, there are plenty of relatives in a 5-mile radius who would be more than happy to share some holiday joy. Baby's First Christmas Him: We have a grandchild now, and it will be his very first Christmas. Why would you want to go away and miss this momentous event? Me: OK. Good point. No argument there. So who wins this debate? I do, of course. Are we cruising this Christmas? Absolutely not! Christmas with our grandson on his very first Christmas trumps a cruise any day! My dream Christmas at sea will just have to wait until next year's lively debate. Photo Credit: MSC Cruises USA

Cruise ships are floating flaming death traps of incendiary Hell, according to the media lately. Since nobody has actually died during all these cruise ship fires, they’ve switched to reminding us that after all these cruise ship fires good people are left stranded in cabins full of feces. We cruisers know how absurd all that crap is (pardon the pun). But fire is indeed the greatest threat to safety on ships, now as it has always been. Allow me to share the extent of fire team training on ships: I was asked by the captain of Wind Surf to simulate a dead passenger in a shockingly real scenario.... Via the crew stairs the second officer escorted me deep into the forward bowels of Wind Surf. We passed all manner of hallways and storage areas I had not known existed. After a several twists and turns, Barney stepped into what was obviously once a crew bar. Now it hosted a raucous pile of tables, chairs, and rolling desks. “Lay down and play dead. Easy. Don’t freak when the lights go out. Things will get nasty, but you won’t be hurt.” Seeing me raise my eyebrows, he explained further. “It’s a surprise fire drill made as realistic as possible. The fire team won’t know if anyone is below decks or not and will systematically search every room for unconscious victims. Don’t hide in the cupboard or anything because that’s not realistic, but staying in the back is better for the drill. What makes this drill more accurate is that you’re our first American.” “Why does that matter?” “The fire team only has experience hauling out other crew members, and they’re all Asian. In a real fire, a guest passed out from smoke inhalation won’t weigh ninety pounds. You weigh about two hundred pounds, so you’re helping us create a much more accurate scenario. When they come for you, don’t make it too easy for them. Be dead weight.” I carefully picked my way through the detritus of the dead crew bar to become a dead crew member. Propping my back against a cupboard, I splayed my legs out. With a satisfied nod, he snapped off the lights. Darkness swooped in, solid, tangible. This was not the absence of light, but the presence of a thing. Just a few minutes of such absolute black made even an egomaniac feel small. Not scared, but small, insignificant. This was not a place for living men, here, deep below the surface of the sea. I strained my hearing to pick up a sound, any sound, but there was none. Not even the slap of waves descended down here, in the pit where I lay. I fancied I was in a sensory deprivation tank, but for the sharp tang of back-bar alcohol and solvents stabbing my nose. After an interminable time, my ears tickled with the muted call of the ship’s intercom announcing to passengers the impending fire drill. Don’t panic at the alarms, the muffled voice said. Don’t panic at the smoke. Smoke? A minute later, another sense tickled. The air became chemically dense. The smell was not of smoke, but something equally unpleasant. I mulled over what it could be when I was scared out of my wits by the sudden alarm. Hearing the ship’s horn blasting the fire alarm was nothing new—I’d heard it every cruise for years—but hearing the alarm in my current situation was something else entirely. It was downright unnerving. Red emergency lighting snapped on, pushing back the black from below rather than above. Though dim, the illumination was sufficient to see the hallway outside. The red opening pulsated in a rapidly thickening haze. Smoke curled into the chamber, first slow, soon robust. Tendrils of white crawled across the ragged carpet, claiming more and more of the room. Behind the vanguard was a supporting wall of swirling grey, gradually thickening until I could no longer clearly see out into the hallway. The red remained, somehow undefinable. Very slowly did time tick, tick away. The simulated smoke became hard to breathe. Not only did the unceasing klaxon urge me to rush into the red, so did instinct. The sensation was so powerful my legs twitched, itching for action, escape. I had to consciously fight the urge, for I had been charged with death. After twenty minutes came a flicker of a different color. A beam of yellow wandered across the reddishness of escape, then left. Eventually it returned with a companion. Then both vanished. Disappointment flashed through me. They had had overlooked my room. Yet a minute later the glow materialized two phantoms of black. Backlit by blazing red, each cut a dramatic figure in full-on fire gear, complete with oxygen tanks and full face masks. Thickened by heavy layers of fire retardant gear, they seemed to move in slow motion. Beams from handheld searchlights roamed the smoke-dense room, lighting across old, clustered junk. Revealed in streaks were fallen stacks of chairs and tables upended upon each other, cobwebs flashing. I felt exactly like I was watching a movie: the heroes had just discovered the killer’s creepy lair. Then a beam of light fell across my legs. Another zeroed in. Two bulky forms pushed through the thickness directly towards me. Heavily gloved hands grabbed me by the shoulders to haul me bodily from the floor. I drooped and flopped as awkwardly as possible, feet dragging uselessly on the floor. Undeterred, they slung my arms over their shoulders and hauled me out from behind the bar. Between the deafening klaxons their respirators labored. Though much taller than my saviors, both men worked as a single unit to compensate. No words were exchanged. None were needed; both knew what the other was supposed to do. Don’t think for a minute that cruise ships leave fire safety to waiters playing with fire hoses. The ordeal fire teams maintain as routine is most impressive. But then, to be honest, I always wanted to be a fireman. They’re totally badass. Brian David Bruns Author of national bestselling Cruise Confidential www.cruiselit.com