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About elf633

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  • Birthday November 27

Personal Info

  • First Name
  • Last Name
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  • Country
    United States


  • First Cruise Year
  • Cruises Sailed
  • Favorite Cruise Line
  • Favorite Shipboard Activity
  • Favorite Itinerary
    Caribbean - Southern
  • Favorite Port of Call
  • Favorite Port Activity
    Guided tours
  • Places I've Cruised To
    Eastern & Southern Carribean
  • Last Cruise Date
  1. Happy Birthday elf633!

  2. The first testicular guard "cup" , was used in hockey in 1874. The first helmet was used in hockey in 1974, which means it took 100 years for men to realize that their other brain is also important.
  3. we are still digging out from the snow storm, but every one is ok....FREE....unassembled snowman....no limit... Harry & Nancy Snyder York, Pa
  4. Cheryl... what is ASAP ? elf633 ( Harry )
  5. She told me we couldn't afford to spend $10 on beer any more, so i would have to give it up. The next day she went out and spent $150 on a cut and color, $50 on makeup, $30 for a manicure, $600 on clothes and $300 for a gym membership. I asked her why i had to give up my beer, but she didn't have to give up anything. She said she needed it so she could look pretty for me. I told her that's what the beer is for. She isn't coming back.
  6. Hugie and Leroy answered an ad for a mule. The farmer said he wanted $100 for the mule, so, Hugie & Leroy went to the farmer to see the mule. They said ok, they would buy the mule, if the farmer would deliver it. The farmer agreed and they paid the farmer the $100. The next morning the farmer drove up and said "Sorry boys, but the mule died last night". "Well, then give us our money back". "Can't do that, i spent all of it last night". "Then, we will take the dead mule" they said. "What on earth are you going to do with a dead mule", asked the farmer. "We are going to raffle him off", said Leroy. "You can't raffle off a dead mule". "Sure we can, we don't half to tell anybody that the mule is dead". A few weeks later the farmer ran into Hugie & Leroy at the local Piggly Wiggly and asked " What did you fellows ever do with that dead mule". Leroy said " We raffled him off like we said we were going to do"." We sold 500 tickets for $2 a piece and made a profit of $898. "Good heavens, didn't anyone complain"? "Well, the fellow who won got upset, so, we gave him his $2 back". Hugie & Leroy now work for the government. They're overseeing the Bailout Program. Limit all politicions to two terms....one in office...one in prison
  7. A man about to undergo an IRS audit asked his accountant what to wear at the audit. He said "wear your shabbiest clothing. Let them think you're a pauper". Then he asked his attorney the same question. His answer was "Wear your finest clothing. Do not let them intimidate you". Somewhat confused at this point, he went to seek the advice of his rabbi. The rabbi replied "Let me tell you a story. A woman was about to be married, so she asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. "Wear a heavy, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck". The next day she asked her best friend and got conflicting advice. "Wear your most sexy negligee with a V neck right down to your navel". At this point, the man said "Rabbi, what does all this have to do with my audit with the IRS"? The rabbi replied "Don't you see...It doesn't matter what you wear, my son...Either way, the results will be the same".
  8. A man walked into the Job Center in downtown Denver, Colorado and saw a job listing for a Gynecologist Assistant. He asked the clerk for the details of the job. The clerk reached under his desk and brought out a card and read the following " The job entails getting the ladies ready for the Gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, help lay them down on the table, wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so they are ready for the examination. The annual salary is $65,000, but you will have to go to Billings, Montana, about 550 miles from here". "Good grief !! is that where the job is"? "No sir, that's where the end of the line is".
  9. Apple has announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music. The I-TIT will cost between $499 and $699, depending on cup and speaker size. This is considered a major social breakthrough, because women are always complaining that men are staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
  10. One day God was looking down at Earth and wasn't sure what he was seeing. So, He sent an Angel down to witness all the rascally behavior that was going on. Upon the Angel's return, he said to God "Yes, its bad on Earth. 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not". After some thought God said he was going to send down another Angel for a second opinion. After the second Angel returned, he said that the Earth was in bad shape and 95% of the people were misbehaving and only 5% were not. God was not pleased, so, he sent an e-mail to the 5% who were being good to encourage them and give them something to help them keep up their good ways. Do you know what the e-mail said? Ok, I was just wondering, I didn't get one either.
  11. A doctor who had been treating an 80 year old woman for most of her life, finally retired. At her next checkup, the new young doctor had requested that she bring along a list of her medications. As the doctor was looking through the list , he realized that she had birth control pills on her list. "Mrs. Smith, do you realize that you have birth control pills here"?..."Yes, they help me sleep at night". "Mrs. Smith, i assure you that there is nothing in them that would help you to sleep". She reached out and patted the young doctor on the knee and said " Yes, dear boy, I know that. But, every morning I grind one up and mix it in my 16 year old grandaughters orange juice and believe me, it helps me sleep at night".
  12. An older gray haired man walked into a jewerly store one Friday evening with a beautiful young lady. He told the jeweler he wanted a special ring for his new girlfriend. The jeweler showed him a ring valued at $5,000. The old man said "No, i'd like to see something more special". The jeweler then brought out a stunning ring valued at $40,000. The young lady's eyes sparkled and she trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this, said "we'll take it". The jeweler asked how the payment was to be made. The old man said "By check. I know you have to be sure my check is good, so i'll write out the check now and on Monday you can call the bank to verify that the funds are there and i'll come in Monday afternoon and pick up the ring". Monday morning, the jeweler called the old man and informed him that he did not have enough funds to cover the cost of the ring. The old man said "Yes, i know, but let me tell you about my weekend that i spent with my new girlfriend".
  13. A Canadian salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in Toyoko, Japan. Realizing he needed a haircut for his meeting the next day, he called down to the desk clerk and asked if there was a barber in the hotel. The clerk said no there was no barber, but just down the hall from his room is a vending machine that should serve his purpose. Skeptical, but intrigued, he located the machine, read the instructions, inserted $15.00 and stuck his head in the hole. The machine started to hum and buzz, then about 15 seconds later, he withdrew his head, looked in the mirror and to his surprise he had a perfect haircut. Two feet away was another machine that had a sign that read ..Manicure $20.00.. So, he decided to have a manicure. He put in the $20.00, put his hands in the slot. The machine started to buzz and whirl and 15 seconds later he looked at his hands....a wonderful manicure. The next had a sign which read.." this machine provides a service for men when they are away from their wives, 50 cents". The salesman looked up and down the hall, put in 50 cents and stuck his manhood into the opening. When the machine started buzzing, he left out a screaming shreik and was about to pass out when the machine stopped. With trembling hands, he gently withdrew his tender unit....which had a button sewn neatly on the end.
  14. This is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scottsdale, Az 1..Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart 2..Form a loose grip 3..Keep your head down 4..Avoid a quick back swing 5..Stay out of the water 6..Try not to hit anyone 7..If you are taking too long, let others go ahead of you 8..Don't stand directly behind anyone 9..Quite please..while others are preparing 10..Don't take extra strokes Well done, now flush the urinal, go outside and tee off.
  15. A cowboy from Texas attends a social function where President Obama is trying to gather support for his health plan. After several questions, he discovers the cowboy is from President Bush's home town and starts to belittle him by talking in a southern drawl and using one syllable words. As he was talking he was swatting at some flies that were circling around his head. The cowboy said "are ya'll havin' trouble with them thar circle flies?" Obama stopped and said " why yes, if thats what they are called." The cowboy replies "well sir, circle flies hang around ranches. They is called circle flies because they are found mostly hangin' around the horses behind." Obama replies "oh, is that so." and goes back to talking. A few minutes later, it sinks in what the cowboy said and says to the cowboy " are you calling me a horses ass?" The cowboy answers "no sir, I have too much respect for the citizens of this country to call their president a horses ass.". Obama says "well thats good". After a short pause, the cowboy responds in his best southern drawl " but, its hard to fool them flies"
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